


Is it Too Late to Apologize?

by scorpion22



Category: Prison Break
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Hate to Love, Married Life, Mutual Pining, Out of Character, Prison letters, Regret, Sex, Soul-Searching, prison break - Freeform, winning back love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2018-11-08 20:03:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 49,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11088933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpion22/pseuds/scorpion22
Summary: Sometimes you don't know a good thing when you have it. T-Bag realizes that when he goes to Fox River and can't stop thinking about the woman he loves. If he hadn't left her he might not have gone to Fox River. While inside he sets his sights on two things getting out and winning her back. Will he be able to do it? Read and find out.





	1. Think of Me

“They think they know me, but they know nothing,” thought Theodore, T-Bag, Bagwell nearly on a daily basis during his stay in Fox River Penitentiary. He had been there nearly a year and everyone thought they knew who T-Bag was, but they knew absolutely nothing. They only knew what he wanted them to know.  
“He’s a murderer…killed six to land himself in here,” said the inmates who knew of him.  
“He’s a pedophile…raped and murdered a bunch of kids on the outside…not always in that order either,” said the inmates leading the guards to think of him as even more of an animal because since entering prison walls he had already made someone his bitch proving that he would fuck anything that moved. But again, they only knew what he wanted them to know. T-Bag held his cards close to his chest, he kept the things that truly mattered where no one, but him knew. He knew how to keep a secret.  
“They think they know me, but they know nothing,” thought Theodore, T-Bag, Bagwell as his cell door closed his deepest secret still unknown to everyone, but him.  
For T-Bag wasn’t as cruel as everyone thought, he was human, he had feelings, and one of those feelings was love. Love was an emotion he wasn’t always sure he could feel. It had once seemed like it was something that he was incapable of, but then he found someone that made him realize he was able to love. He was able to love and though she could do better, deserved better, he also learned that someone was capable of loving him back. As he laid in his cell after lights out that night, Teddy was thinking of the person that he loved, and thinking of her he couldn’t help feeling sad. He was never going to see her again, at least, that’s what it felt like sometimes when life in prison truly got to him. Many would think his love was Susan Hollander too. T-Bag now knew that what he thought was love with her had only been his imagination. Susan hadn’t been a burning flame, but a mound of ashes. She had betrayed him, hurt him, and thinking back on it now Teddy realized he had been a fool to even think what they shared was love. He had in fact been searching for something that he had already found. And if he ever got out of this T-Bag swore he would make that bitch pay and then go in search of the woman he really loved who actually loved him.  
Even thinking that he had ever loved her was in his own opinion the only stupid thing he had ever done and it was the only thing that he had done that he truly regretted. For he knew his real love, she would never have turned him into the police, she had never been anything, but faithful and loyal to him. And yet he hadn’t been the same to her. He had loved her, he knew that without a doubt, but it hadn’t been enough to keep him from hurting her. And he knew he had hurt her. Maybe not physically, never in his life would he lay a hand on her, but emotionally he had hurt her. He wanted to take all that back now and go back. He wanted to make it so he never met Susan Hollander and make it so he stayed with her. With his Lizzy where he truly belonged. Teddy didn’t blame her if she never forgave him, but that didn’t keep him from hoping. Hoping that maybe one day he would get a visitor and that visitor would just happen to be her. But he knew that would never happen. He had wronged her in the one way that he knew she would never forgive him for. And yet when he thought of her in the outside world, Teddy somehow couldn’t picture her doing the same. He somehow knew she had been completely faithful to him since the day he left her, she hadn’t been with another or loved another, crimes that he himself had committed against her. It made him love her more even as he wondered if he could ever do anything to make up for those crimes now.  
“I love you, Teddy,” Lizzy had said so many times as they lay in bed or simply ate dinner or even at the most random of times, her voice in his head the mere sound of it drawing his signature smirk to his lips.  
The rest of her image soon followed and his smile grew even as his heart ached. As much as he loved thinking of her late at night when he would usually be with her, thinking of her made him sad too. Teddy loved her, he missed her, and being apart from her hurt him more than it ever had before he was locked up. He knew it was because when he’d been on the outside he had always planned to return to her. To see her again, even if only to get a divorce when he’d been so sure he loved Susan, but now all hope of that seemed to be gone. Now, he couldn’t just go back to her whenever he wanted because he was doing a life sentence. His future with her had effectively been cut short and it was no bodies fault, but his own. And so, he missed her. Everything about her, from the way she walked to the way she smiled at him in the middle of the night in bed, the way she would smile at him the second their eyes met or laugh with her whole body in a way that was all her, but especially he missed the feel of her. Of her skin beneath his fingertips or beneath his lips as he kissed it as he made love to her. He missed her. He loved her. And he was never going to see her again. He was never going to see her smile or hear her laugh, her contagious beautiful laugh. She had this laugh that was as sweet and yet also somewhat bitter as her personality. All those things were exactly why he left though. His Lizzy had just been too perfect, for him at least. She had been like his other half, as flawed as him just in ways that he wasn’t. They had understood each other without even trying. That was what made him love her and that was why he left. Because she was too good for him, too perfect, too much his equal. She couldn’t be broken until he appeared in her life and somehow Teddy knew that’s what he had done to her. He had broken her without ever wanting to. Lizzy was more than he deserved, the most beautiful wonderful woman he had ever known, and he vowed if he did ever find himself in front of her that he would somehow win her back. Because now maybe he thought that maybe the idea he had with Susan could be true with his Lizzy. Maybe he could make himself worthy of her.  
T-Bag knew he didn’t deserve her even as he was stalking her. She was always meant to be just another victim. Another scared woman in a dark place for him to have his way with and forget about the second he was done with her. But Elizabeth Addams Parker was far from that. His Lizzy as he liked to call her turned out to be more and something inside him told him she would be because she was the first woman he ever got sloppy with. She was the first to catch him in a mistake and learn that he wasn’t some animal, but a man. She had somehow learned to love the man behind the beast.  
“Well aren’t you delicious,” T-Bag remembered thinking that about her the first time he saw her from across a smoke-filled bar. She only happened to have caught him watching her and from the moment their eyes met and she gave him that sly smile that only belonged to her something had come over him. He had fallen slowly in love with her and when he did he didn’t think she felt the same. Not until he took the ultimate risk of asking her the biggest question he had ever asked. Only then did he finally believe that it wasn’t a lie, what they had was real, and she loved him as much as he had found he loved her. Through his charm, his finesse, he had managed to make her fall in love, and even stay in love with him even after she knew what he was.  
T-Bag knew that was one of the things that more than anything else made him fall once and for all in love with her, for even when she knew what he did that he was a killer, a rapist, a pedophile, she still loved him in a way that as it turned out no other woman ever would; she hadn’t tried to change him, but only continued to love him.  
“And all she asked for in return was that I give her what she gave me,” thought Teddy in that moment imagining her reaction that day when she had just woken up to find him gone. All she had wanted was him; all she had asked was that he love her and no one else, but her. And feeling sadness in his heart T-Bag’s smile fell. He didn’t do that and he knew she wouldn’t forgive him.  
He didn’t blame her, he only wished he could fix what he did, and earn her forgiveness.  
“But she won’t because I write her every day. Every day for over a year and she has never responded. She hasn’t sent them back though,” thought Teddy knowing that despite not hearing back from her that he wouldn’t stop writing her a letter every day. But that hope wasn’t large because nearly a year of letters had been sent with no answer.  
“I ruined it all,” thought Teddy part of him feel that ache inside because he knew that would always be the one thing he couldn’t deny. And yet that didn’t mean he didn’t dream of fixing it because he did. Lizzy was in his dreams almost every night that very night included. She was always on his mind wondering around asking him about things he knew she wanted to know somehow, but he knew he couldn’t explain any of it to her in a letter. It had to be done in person; that was the only way to do it that she truly deserved. And that’s really what his letters were. They were part of his hope, for with each one he sent he hoped one day he would get one back. And thinking of her that night he smiled again because he couldn’t lose that hope because otherwise prison would be a lot worse than it already was. Thinking of her was one of the few things that kept him going.  
“I wonder if you ever think of me, darling,” breathed Teddy not realizing as the words he had been thinking left his very lips. T-Bag thought of her a lot, he wondered about her a lot, and he always hoped she thought of him too. And though he didn’t know for sure, in all reality, Elizabeth did think of him. He was like a bug she couldn’t kill, an addiction she couldn’t break, and it didn’t matter if she wanted to or not sometimes she couldn’t help thinking about him. Sometimes he just popped into her head. That very night, Elizabeth was thinking of him as he lay in a cell thinking of her. Part of her wondered if he looked the same, if she saw him if she would recognize him, but most of all she wondered if he was okay. If prison had broken him or only made him stronger. Sometimes she was tempted to go the long journey to Illinois to see him, but she never did. She didn’t know what she would say anyway. There were just too many questions left unanswered between them. But even that couldn’t make her forget about him. Or even stop thinking of him and the time they had had. That was why that night she stared at the ceiling of her apartment as he stared at the ceiling of his cell each of them thinking of the other.  
Teddy lurked through her mind like a ghost. But so, did Elizabeth. His Lizzy was always there just as he was, in his mind, in his heart; she made him want to be a better man. The very thought of each other inspired so many different thoughts, but they couldn’t deny that one of those thoughts was always that they loved each other. Neither of them could change that. Elizabeth wished she could sometimes, but neither of them could change that. They shared something deep that couldn’t be recreated. Something that he had ruined and that Elizabeth no longer believed in. For as far as she was concerned what they had had wasn’t real. It had never existed; it had just been one of his cruel tricks.  
“Why can’t you just leave me alone,” thought Elizabeth lying in bed that night thinking of him, of his letters that just kept coming; part of her just wanted it all to go away while another was afraid of that actually happening.  
“It wasn’t even real why can’t it just fade away like all the other fake things you left behind,” whispered Elizabeth her eyes wondering to her bedside table part of her wondering if she was crazy to even be thinking about her serial killer husband. She had fallen in love, married even a man who she knew to be a monster. And as she lay there then Elizabeth knew that as much as she tried to deny the other half of that truth, she couldn’t.  
She still loved him. Part of her would always love the man she was married to even if she knew him to be a monster. In a way, she had known that when she married him, but she hadn’t cared. Instead she let it be, loved him anyway, and now it felt all for nothing. For he hadn’t loved her back, he had only used her, and broken her heart. But despite that Theodore Bagwell still stood out among all the others that had tried to steal her heart, for he had succeeded. He had done things that no other man ever had. Teddy had a charm about him, a cleverness that no other man seemed to have before, but most of all he captivated her. He wasn’t just some guy interested in fucking her and walking away, at least, that’s what she thought. She could have a conversation with him. When he looked at her she felt like he was actually listening at the same time as he was running his eyes over her body. And she had liked that because no other guy had ever given her that before, it was always one or the other. Teddy was the only person she let call her Lizzy too. Before she met him she never dared let anyone get away with that, the world knew her as Elizabeth, and that was the way she wanted it. But the first time he called her Lizzy she couldn’t bring herself to correct him. It just sounded so right coming from his lips in his sexy southern accent that she found for the first time in her life that she liked being called something other than Elizabeth. Even now she only allowed her Teddy to call her that. She still thought of him as her Teddy even as she tried to learn each day not to love him anymore. Part of her didn’t think that was possible. Teddy may not have loved her, but she still loved him. She still thought of him at the worst times whether that be when she woke up every day or as she showered or any time in particular. She couldn’t get over him even as mad as she was at him for breaking her the way he did. For she had been strong until he came into her life, but now he had broken her. Now, she didn’t know how strong she really was. She had been foolish enough to think they shared something true. And god, how wrong she had been, for in all reality it hadn’t been. Teddy used her. He played with her and hurt her in a way she always believed she was too strong for. And the worst part was she still loved him despite all the pain he had caused her. It had all been some sick game to him and yet even as she thought that there were things that didn’t make sense.  
There were still questions she couldn’t answer that only Teddy could. Questions like why he didn’t rape her, kill her or worse like all the rest? Why did he string her along the way he did? And then there was the most important question of them all, at least, to her. Why did he marry her? Elizabeth wanted the answer to all those questions, but she would never get them. She would never see Theodore Bagwell again because she didn’t have the guts to go visit him behind prison walls.  
“I won’t let him hurt me anymore,” thought Elizabeth seeing him in that moment in her head his eyes staring at her his smirk the same telling her how stupid she had been.  
“How could I be that stupid?” whispered Elizabeth knowing that she couldn’t put all the blame on him because part of it was her fault she had been stupid enough to fall for his tricks.  
She was still really, really stupid because she still loved him. Elizabeth couldn’t help just focusing on him in that moment. On his face, on his eyes, but most of all that smirk. Thinking of him in that moment it told her one thing that she wanted to deny so badly, but couldn’t. She still loved him, so much. All those things that he had that made her love him still made her weak at the knees even when she was only thinking of him.  
“My sweet, sweet Lizzy,” Teddy used to say after they made love his eyes boring down into hers in the darkness his smile had seemed almost genuine; Elizabeth always knew that it had been those moments when she realized she loved him. Now, it was moments like that that broke her heart.  
“Lizzy,” said Teddy his voice haunting her from inside her head like it did all the time making her think that if things had been different she could have forgiven him, but he had done the one thing he had vowed not to. Elizabeth knew that he was her weakness. She always forgave him no matter what he had done. No matter what he did or how many he killed she forgave him. Hell, even when she found out he was wanted for rape and murder she still forgave him, and loved him all the same. She had loved him so much that Elizabeth always found she could forgive him anything, absolutely anything.  
She forgave him for being what he was, a killer, a rapist even a pedophile, but then he did something that she couldn’t forgive him for. He left her and he was not only found with another woman, the woman who turned him in, something she wouldn’t have done that she didn’t do even when she saw him on America’s Most Wanted, and yet from what she had heard Teddy had loved this woman. Really loved this woman, Jimmy had said as much, and that was the one thing she couldn’t forgive him for. Elizabeth just couldn’t understand why he could love this woman while he had to pretend to love her. He had lied about everything they had had, but when he met Susan Hollander he decided to change. To be a better man, but with her he couldn’t do that. What did Hollander have that she didn’t? What was wrong with her? Those were only some of the questions going through her mind that she knew would go unanswered because they would never see each other again. And as those questions went through her mind that face still looked at her from her own mind.  
It made her feel a deep sadness because that same thought echoed in her mind. Elizabeth still loved him, but it wasn’t just that. She missed him too. She missed the tiny things that had made her fall for him, but most of all she just missed him.  
“Missing him is all part of loving him,” thought Elizabeth smiling for the first time that night; just thinking of him still brought a smile to her face. It echoed through her head as she fell asleep his eyes watching her within her own head his lips smirking at her.  
They both fell asleep that way each remembering the way it had been before. Drifting into dreamland, Teddy remembered the way it was before when he would fall asleep next to her. Even in his bunk in Fox River, T-Bag could almost feel her body molded to his, he could feel her hair tickling his nose, and her head nestled tight beneath his neck. He could smell the faint hint of her perfume still clinging to her after a long day and her hands clinging to him as they slept. It helped him fall asleep part of him thinking that he would wake up to find the real woman by his side. Elizabeth felt it too. In a much comfier bed far away from him, Elizabeth could almost feel his arms around her in her sleep, she could smell the pure scent of his skin, and even hear his heartbeat in her ears. She could feel the hint of his fingertips on her skin tracing his name into her skin like he used to do as he fell asleep. Even as mad as she was at him it all still made her long for him to really be there in bed next to her.  
“I love you, Teddy,” said Elizabeth from inside T-Bag’s head.  
“Lizzy,” said Teddy from within her head each haunting the other with their memory. In that moment, they were almost together if only in their subconscious. Teddy held hope that he would see her again even as she believed otherwise. Elizabeth was sure she would never see him again even if she did wish that she would, at least sometimes. Part of her wondered what would happen if their paths crossed again. One thing they both knew for sure was that whether they saw each other again or not they would never stop thinking about each other. That was why love hurt so much because once you found it you couldn’t just forget about it. Teddy felt it most on those nights, but also in the mornings. The mornings were when prison didn’t seem real.  
“Teddy, sweetheart wake up,” said Elizabeth her voice echoing through his mind making him wakeup in his cell just like it did every morning.  
For a moment T-Bag would open his eyes expecting to see his Lizzy’s smile waiting for him, but every time it turned out differently. He always found himself in his cell, Maytag asleep below him, and it was then when no one was looking that he let his sadness show. He would lay in his bunk her voice still in his head along with her very image and miss her more than anything. Teddy would long for her touch, the sight of her face, the smell of her skin, and the glow of her smile. He would long to kiss her, hold her, and make love to her. Lizzy would be all he would think of and it made his mornings a perfect combination of heaven and hell. It was a combination he wasn’t sure if he loved or hated. He would remember all the mornings spent with her. How she looked when her eyes first opened always holding a dull shine first thing in the morning. How she would smile when he kissed her good morning her arms laying lazily around his neck. But most of all he would think of the way she looked as she sat on his lap over breakfast both of them smiling as they fed each other. It all made him miss her more even as they made him smile. T-Bag did cherish those memories of her, they were another thing that gave him hope that he would see her again; that he would earn her forgiveness. Because he loved her. He loved her in a way that he had never loved another person in his life. No one behind these walls knew about her, she was his secret, it was his way of keeping her safe.  
“If no one knows about her, no one can hurt her,” thought Teddy constantly whenever he thought of her and no one knew what he was thinking as he stared off into space. Teddy was determined in that. He would never allow anyone to hurt her, he didn’t care if he had to break out of Fox River to do it, he would protect her. If anyone ever laid a hand on her he would kill them, he would kill them slowly making them the perfect example of what happened when you crossed Theodore, T-Bag, Bagwell. She was his weakness, he knew that, and if anyone crossed the line by hurting her he would become their worst nightmare. That was why he never spoke of her, only with Jimmy did he even mention her. He kept her in the safest place in that whole prison, his heart, a place that others had always thought as dark as coal, but she had seen was as red as any other man’s. Sometimes he thought just writing her was putting her in danger or saying her name on the phone with Jimmy was too much. But he needed those letters, those calls to know she was alright. That someone knew she was alright. Hell, no one even knew he had a wife, and he kept it that way. Jimmy was the only one who ever spoke to him about her. Who had ever dared to ask him why he married her and who he had ever dared to tell the truth. He had married her because he loved her. They had something that he thought he had with Susan Hollander, but that he now knew didn’t even come close. Yeah, T-Bag knew that was the definitive truth that he married her because he loved her. And it was because he loved her that no one within prison walls could know about her. No one behind these walls would know about her.  
And Elizabeth found her mornings just as tough. Like him, she would always find herself lost in thoughts of the mornings she had spent with him. Happy mornings when she had been sure that she could trust him, when she had been sure he would be the man she spent the rest of her life with. That all seemed so silly now. Part of her missed that, missed him in the morning. She wanted to go back to that even if it had been nothing, but an allusion. A fake love was better than never having loved at all, she thought, sometimes when she first opened her eyes turning her head almost expecting to find him smiling at her. Things had been a lie then, but she couldn’t deny they had been good too. She wanted to go back to when things had been good. To mornings when he would make love to her before the sun had even rose. To the feeling of his hands as he held her afterward. To the kiss of his lips as he whispered her own name into her temple. To mornings full of hot shared showers, morning kisses that took her breath away, and breakfast on his lap both of them finding it hard not to smile. But what she missed most was the happiness. The way he made her feel and even if it had been fake Elizabeth felt a great fear in her heart when she thought of those times. Would she ever feel anything like that ever again? Part of her was afraid she wouldn’t.  
“Why do I still miss you?” said Elizabeth to herself as she finally rose from her bed her head turning to stare at what would have been his side of the bed. Again, that was all part of missing him, of missing what she thought they had, the fake love he had tricked her into.  
“You made me happy all the same…maybe that’s why,” whispered Elizabeth rising to take a shower that face in her mind again.  
“I do miss you, Teddy…how stupid would you say that makes me?” thought Elizabeth the shower water turning on as the thought left her head. It was something that sometimes she wanted to forget, to forget all about him, especially when she remembered that none of it had been real.  
“I love you still too. You’d probably say I was stupid for that,” thought Elizabeth stepping into the shower closing her eyes as memories of him ran through her mind. It was like a film reel.  
A film reel of slow kisses to wake her up in the morning, of him coming up behind her as she cooked whispering naughty things into her ear to make her grin, and even the few times they had actually done those naughty things letting breakfast, lunch or dinner burn. None of those quite compared though to her favorite memory, but also the one that made her the most confused. For it left her with the most questions even as it was the one that she thought might be able to answer that question. Why did he marry her? The memory behind that played through her mind all the time. It had been a regular morning except for the way she woke up to find him already showering without her. She had just gotten out of bed herself when he appeared behind her whistling in that way he did though this was the only time he ever did it while she was wearing clothes. That whistle had made her turn around and that was when she saw him leaning in the bathroom doorway in nothing, but a towel this unknown look in his eye. He looked almost hesitant to come near her, scared, but only almost.  
“Everything alright, Teddy?” whispered Elizabeth watching him as he came closer that look still in his eye as he stared her down as if unsure of what to say or do or even how to say it. But then his hands had just been on her. They had been swift, he had been swift getting her on the bed his hands pinning her to the bed, and as they looked at each other he had just said it. Said it so low that she almost didn’t hear him.  
“Would ya marry me?” Teddy had whispered leaving her to stare at him waiting for that smirk of his to tell her he was joking. But he hadn’t been.  
Teddy had been completely serious, she knew that the more she watched him. When she saw the frown that dug into his skin when she didn’t answer right away. It was as she realized that he was serious that she realized her answer.  
“Yes,” said Elizabeth her voice cracking with emotion especially when that smile of his finally appeared. He made it all feel so real, it was hard to believe it hadn’t been. The way Teddy had kissed her, loved her, held her as if he was afraid to lose her. The way he kissed her when the judge pronounced them man and wife. That had felt, so real. And yet he had been gone four months later. What Elizabeth didn’t realize was that it had been real and she didn’t know it, but Teddy did know that it would be a long time before she believed that.


	2. The Night We Met

Teddy’s steps were slow as he moved through the prison yard. He was diligent as always, but like always too his mind was on her, his Lizzy. He kept seeing her just like she had been the first time he laid eyes on her and as he thought of that moment he wondered if she still looked that way or if she’d changed at all. Teddy thought of that moment whenever he was feeling particularly low because though it made him miss her more, it also made him happy because that moment was one of the best in his life. Lizzy had changed his life, made him realize things he never thought possible and it had all begun in that moment. That split second when he caught sight of her for the very first time. He just couldn’t forget her, especially that night when he set his sight on her. T-Bag had been sitting in a bar filled with smoke not doing anything. His mind hadn’t really been on anything except the beer he was drinking until suddenly the door behind him opened and there she was. Lizzy appeared in the bar strength radiating off her as she walked through the place and the second Teddy saw her he liked what he saw. He liked the confidence she held wrapped around her, he liked the way that hardness seemed to melt when it came to those she knew around her. She moved through the bar as if she owned it and Teddy didn’t know it then, but she did in fact own it though even now he thought of that as something he had liked about her at first sight.   
“Hay Elizabeth…how’s your night going?” the bartender at the bar had said to her, but T-Bag was only half paying attention to that as he let his eyes run over her liking her body as much as her attitude in that moment.   
“Well, don’t you look delicious,” thought Teddy licking his lips as he looked her up and down. Lizzy was stunning. Teddy remembered admiring the way her skin glowed beneath the cool yellow and white bar lights making it seem almost tanned. Only when he finally got to touch it with his bare fingers did he find out just how sugar colored it was. He remembered the first hint of a glimpse that he got of her eyes, her green apple dumdum sucker green eyes that seemed to go so well with her red, red lips that were made even redder by her lipstick. All covered by the curtain of her hair, the hair he used to like to run his fingers through or grab in his fist as he made love to her. The light brown silk used to feel so soft, so luxurious in those moments, and under the shine of the bar lights it had looked just as soft as it hung over her shoulders. Yes, his Lizzy was stunning, and he knew it the second he saw her. But she had known it too, Lizzy knew just how to dress too to add to that beauty in just the right way. She didn’t show too much skin making herself a whore, instead she showed only what she needed to. That night she had been dressed dark in a sexy black top made of lacey material her cleavage showing enough to tease him from where he sat. Next his eyes had lingered on the jean skirt that covered her thighs. It hid what he wanted to know about most, but admiring her still he had liked the way it hugged her hips making her hour glass figure clear. And the black boots she used to finish it off drove him crazy even that first time. He could remember thinking of what it would be like to take her right there on the bar in nothing, but those boots. Teddy had loved the way they looked as they descended up her legs making them look so long and slender stopping just before it met her skirt leaving only a strip of skin for patrons to appreciate. His Lizzy was sexy, beautiful, and that first time Teddy hadn’t needed time to decide that he wanted her. Teddy wanted to grab her the moment he saw her and take her over a table. Teddy decided in that moment that he would have her, though in that moment he had planned her to be a victim; never in his wildest dreams did he think he’d fall in love.   
When Teddy had fallen for her it had been the last thing he had ever expected to ever happen. People like him didn’t fall in love, at least that’s what he thought until his Lizzy came through the door. Women had never been anything really, things to use, dispensable, and never in his life had he thought of having just one for the rest of his life. But Lizzy changed every thought he ever had about that. That was especially clear now, even as he walked in the prison yard, Teddy knew he was not the same man he had been. Now he was in love, he was married even to someone he deeply sincerely loved, and for once someone knew he was not a monster; he was a man. Teddy remembered that moment when he got sloppy and she noticed him. But Elizabeth remembered that moment too. The moment when she had been charmed by a man who she just happened to catch staring at her over the top of the jukebox. They both knew it had changed their lives. They both knew that if they had never come into each other’s lives they would both be different now, everything would be different now.   
“I think I’m being followed,” whispered Elizabeth to her bartender as she sauntered behind the bar that night ready to work the goosebumps fresh on her skin from the feeling of eyes on her all day; it was a feeling she had ignored all day though she wasn’t sure how much longer she could do that.   
“Someone is staring at me,” whispered Elizabeth not minutes later that feeling still strong inside her and turning she caught her stalker looking right into his eyes.   
Elizabeth remembered how he tried to act like he wasn’t looking at her when their eyes first met even when she smiled. But she didn’t let him as she watched him now feeling him looking at her still though now far more discreetly. She could feel his eyes still on her the goosebumps stronger every time he looked her way. He was no longer her stalker, her shadow, but a man watching her from across her own bar. Elizabeth smiled as she watched him still from the corner of her eye, he was pretending to look at the jukebox, but his eyes just kept wondering to her. Part of her found it all sexy, it attracted her in a mysterious way, he attracted her, and that’s what made her decide to walk up to him. But only when the time was right.   
“He doesn’t look like much…but he does look interesting,” thought Elizabeth eyeing him still not a bit afraid of what he could be or who he might be; she owned a bar she had seen enough crazies in her time to know when she was looking at one. Thinking back on it now, Elizabeth never would have guessed what Teddy was when she first saw him. He had looked harmless, sweet in a sinister way, and the more she watched him the more she wanted to know just who he was. Now whenever she thought of that moment, she wondered if she’d known what she knew now would she have gone anywhere near him? She wasn’t so sure she would care. After all he thoughts were still going back to the second time she’d caught him looking at her that night even now at the most random times. He really hadn’t been fooling anyone as he stood at the jukebox taking longer than anyone ever had to pick a song. It didn’t help that half the time he wasn’t even looking at the songs, but at her. Now Teddy couldn’t help thinking that it had been partly her fault. She had been more interesting then any song on that jukebox only later would he discover how much.   
“Just play a god damn song and sit down,” thought Teddy knowing she was onto him by now as he quickly pressed buttons. That was what made Elizabeth give him all her attention. Teddy played Patsy Cline. Patsy Cline in her bar where everyone usually played loud rock. It made everyone look at him even her. Elizabeth remembered listening to it a moment not sure how she liked it that first time. But it, like him, grew on her. So much so that now whenever she heard that voice she thought of another, her Teddy, and it was those times that he always popped into her head.   
“Those eyes…still can’t forget those eyes,” breathed Teddy looking down at the grass beneath his feet part of him thinking that her eyes were greener especially the first time he really got to look into them. The second time had been almost the same for them both, it had thrown him off guard while she had been waiting for it to happen. And as she watched him quickly take his seat again she gathered her strength around her in that same moment as she grabbed a beer moving his way. Teddy hadn’t expected to ever watch her come his way, so when she was he didn’t know what to expect. Was she going to ask him to leave her bar? But no suddenly she stood right there not three feet before him setting a beer before him with a loud thud. He expected her to go right back to the bar, but instead she was still standing there. Looking at her, he wondered what she was going to do. And Elizabeth knew exactly what she was going to say. She had since he had taken his seat and smiling slyly now she placed her hands on the table on either side of him leaning forward so what she said stayed between them.   
“Can I help you, darling?” whispered Teddy having the urge to grab her and fuck her over the table again. Elizabeth would always remember the way he licked his lips his eyes moving over her as he took the beer in his hand.   
Teddy couldn’t help it as his Lizzy, though she was not yet his, moved forward leaning in close so only he could hear her.   
“Yes, well…not that I’m not flattered, but if you’re going to stare, please do it only if you’re actually going to come talk to me. I’d much rather have you come right up to the bar there and have a seat so we could talk. I think things will go much easier that way,” whispered Elizabeth giving him a smile as she straightened turning to walk away.   
“I’ll be right there, darling,” whispered Teddy watching her walk away as he took a drink of his beer.   
“I’ll be waiting,” said Elizabeth not looking back at him as she walked away still making him grin as he thought that she was amazing, more amazing up close then she had seemed all this time that he had been watching her.   
“Yes, darling…you are delicious,” thought Teddy in that moment still watching her round the bar liking her attitude more than he knew he would have in any other woman; it made him want her more.   
Lizzy had proven to be perfect. She had everything he had always found lacking in a woman. Walking in the grass, T-Bag always got a smile on his face when he thought of her in her bar kicking some lowlife out all by herself. She could take care of herself even if he hadn’t thought so before. But the first time he saw her escort someone out the door he could remember exactly what he felt. Teddy had felt proud, extremely turned on, but proud. He still felt that way every time the memory entered his mind. He had gotten himself one hell of a woman. She was like no one else. That thought had made him leave his seat moving with a swagger Elizabeth found sexy as she watched him.   
“Well…here I thought you’d be just another disappointment,” whispered Elizabeth giving him a smile that he returned leaning against the bar as he sat across from her neither of them knowing that moment would change everything. That moment when Theodore Bagwell stepped into her life, Elizabeth knew her life had changed. Teddy knew she had done the same for him, she had been a dark angel coming to improve his life. Teddy thought back on those moments fondly and as he did he wondered if his Lizzy did the same.   
As his time in the yard ended, T-Bag walked towards the prison with his Lizzy still on his mind. Once again, he wondered if she thought of him, if she even cared if he was dead or alive, but mostly he wondered if he ever entered her mind the way she did his. Smiling, he sighed; he would have liked it if she did. He wouldn’t blame her if she hated him, but he really hoped she didn’t.   
“My sweet, sweet Lizzy,” whispered Teddy his voice in her head in that moment as he entered the prison once more while she stood alone in her bar his voice in her head. If only Teddy knew, she didn’t hate him, at least not really. If only he knew she was only mad, heartbroken, and that in her heart she would always love him. In fact, as he entered his cell she stood behind her bar thinking of him and the very fact that she couldn’t just stop loving him. Like him, Elizabeth’s mind was always on their time together, on each moment they had spent, and one that always stood out was that first night. She thought of every touch, every word they had shared, every kiss, and especially every word. But it wasn’t always so fondly. Sometimes she just couldn’t think of any of it without crying because now she knew what she didn’t know then. That all of it had been fake, not real, and she had just been some stupid plaything to him.   
“What was it all for anyway,” thought Elizabeth looking into his eyes from within her head in that moment wishing he could really give her the answer she wanted.   
Elizabeth would never forgive herself for being so stupid. She had thought she knew who Theodore Bagwell was, but she hadn’t. She had thought for the first time she had found not just a man she could love, but someone she could trust. Now she knew she had been wrong and now even now when men hit on her she didn’t go near them. Not just because she still loved her convict husband, but she didn’t trust herself. Elizabeth was afraid. Afraid that the next man she met would hurt her, break her like Teddy had. That was why Elizabeth knew one thing for sure, she would never love again, and she would most certainly never trust another man again. For with each memory of him all she could do was wonder when exactly she had missed the signs of his betrayal.   
“Where did I go wrong,” whispered Elizabeth remembering the way he would smile at her, the way he would look at her, and not wanting to believe that any of it had been real. For she had thought he loved her. Elizabeth had been sure that when he laid with her in bed his hands covering her making her scream in passion that he had been making love to her not fucking her like some whore off the street. She had been sure that when he kissed her that he did it because he wanted to, because he loved her not because he needed to so it all felt real. But most of all she had thought when he asked her to marry her, when he actually did marry her that he loved her. That it was real and it hurt so much every time she remembered that it hadn’t been. Every time it only broke her heart all over again. That was why sometimes she wanted so badly to just forget Theodore Bagwell ever existed, to forget she ever loved him; she just wanted the pain he had left behind to just go away. But it wasn’t that simple. Elizabeth knew she still loved him, that she was still madly in love with him, and she couldn’t just turn that off.   
Elizabeth had spent the first few months after he left wondering what she had done wrong. Wondering what she did to make him leave. She had been hurt and part of him had even hoped he would come back, but he didn’t. And when she saw him on TV it had only gotten worse because then her phone had rung. It all came to light then the truth about what they really had, or hadn’t had. Jimmy hadn’t lied, he told her everything, and that was the day she started trying to fall out of love with him. But she quickly discovered that was something she wasn’t going to be able to do. That was her thought as she wiped down the bar after closing feeling him like a ghost. Elizabeth had always loved her bar, now though, Teddy was everywhere within it. It was there that they had met, shared some of their most romantic moments, and even a make shift wedding reception. She still remembered the way he carried her into the bar not setting her down until they were in the center of the room. She could still feel the kiss he gave her when he dipped her not a second later and especially the smile they shared when he finally let her breath again. And most of all she still heard that song in her head. The song that had served as their first dance and so they had thought it only fitting that it serve as their first dance as man and wife. Elizabeth remembered kissing him their foreheads touching as he held her close her own arms round around his neck as Patsy Cline sang sweet dreams around them. That was one of the moments that used to make her think they were realty in love and thinking of it now Elizabeth hated to admit that all of that had been fake.   
“Elizabeth, you promised you weren’t going to think about him anymore. Bagwell is gone…you need to just move on,” exclaimed a voice startling her from the darkness. Elizabeth swung around in that moment her eyes scanning that same darkness her breathing heavy even though she knew already who it was. Only one person got mad when it was clear Teddy was on her mind. Breathing a sigh, Elizabeth faced that voice watching as Bobby, her brother, and business partner immerged.   
“You scared me,” whispered Elizabeth.  
“That only proves my point, you were thinking of him, Elizabeth. You need to stop; you need to forget about him,” exclaimed Bobby his voice rising until it filled the bar. Bobby had never liked Teddy there had always seemed to be something off about him that and he wasn’t good enough for his sister. He had tried to warn her against him, but Elizabeth wouldn’t listen. But even after everything that had happened she didn’t regret that. Bobby had been too smug after it all happened. Instead of trying to comfort her all he had done was rub it in her face. He never let her forget that only four months had passed after they were married before he left her. And now he was here to do it again. Bobby had always been that way ever since they were kids. Even that made her think of Teddy because he had been the one that finally made her stand up to the one person she couldn’t, her brother. She always thought that was one of the reasons Bobby didn’t like him, but in that moment, she just wanted him to go away. She knew the mistake she had made and she beat herself up enough over it. Elizabeth didn’t need him screaming his reminder at her today.   
“Bobby, please…it’s not that easy. Teddy meant a lot to me…I loved him…I married him for god’s sake. It isn’t going to be as easy as just forgetting him. I’ll never forget about him,” whispered Elizabeth her hands shaking as she held in her tears wanting to keep some of her dignity as she transferred glasses from the sink to the shelf. She hated when her brother, her baby brother no less, tried to tell her what to do.   
“Yeah, you loved him, and you still love him. Don’t lie to me and deny it, god knows your stupid enough to love a man like that,” snapped Bobby making her brace her hands on the counter refusing to turn and look at him; sometimes she hated her own brother more than she could ever hate Teddy, this side of him had only gotten worse since he had been on America’s Most Wanted. Now, Bobby thought her foolishness with him meant he got to tell her what to do and how to live her life.   
“You need to get a divorce. He left you, the law would be on your side, so that’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to divorce that bastard, he made it quite clear he didn’t want you anyway, Elizabeth, and it is the only way for you to move on with your life. You are getting a divorce,” said Bobby finally acting calm. It was in that moment that Elizabeth turned to face him her anger clear. He was once again telling her what to do with her life. He was standing there thinking he could tell her to get a divorce and Elizabeth found she was madder at him then she’d ever been in her life. And she’d been pretty had at him over the years.   
Elizabeth turned to face him in that moment, when she did Bobby saw a fire in her eyes that never did anyone any good.  
“Lizzy,” whispered Teddy in her head in that moment that voice encouraging her in her rage just like the real man would have; it had been that very fire Bobby was seeing in her eyes that had attracted him to her. Suddenly the glasses on the shelf weren’t there anymore, Elizabeth didn’t care if she would have to buy all new glasses, she started hurling them at his head. Bobby screamed and ducked just in time cowering on the floor. But she just kept throwing aiming right for him even as he started crawling across the floor. When he did that he cut his hands on all the broken glass. When Elizabeth saw the blood even that made her think of Teddy, he would have been proud if he were here, but she also felt pride in herself. She still had the ability to stand up for herself even with her brother.   
“It’s my life, Bobby. I will live it the way I want and if that includes thinking about Teddy that’s my business. I love him…I’ll always love him, and until I decide not to it is none of your business. Stay out of my life,” screamed Elizabeth only stopping when she was close to losing her voice all the glasses now broken. Afterward she stood there out of breath feeling exhausted just from throwing all those glasses and screaming. She leaned back against the counter the cash register digging into her back and looking at Bobby she found him still cowering on the floor.   
A dead silence fell around them then as Elizabeth broke down behind the bar, the image of her Teddy Bear appearing in her head now, right at the exact wrong moment.   
“Elizabeth,” began Bobby making his way to his feet again. After a moment with tears still in her eyes, Elizabeth let herself look at him, but she didn’t see any change. He was still an arrogant son of a bitch. In that moment, her eyes said what she wanted to say. She didn’t want to hear another word out of his mouth.   
“I don’t want to see you for a while, Bobby. I can handle the bar by myself…just, please leave,” whispered Elizabeth glaring at him when he didn’t move to leave immediately.   
“I own half,” said Bobby in response only wincing as he picked a piece of glass out of his hand.   
When he didn’t move, Elizabeth felt something inside her snap. In that moment, she didn’t really realize what she was doing, but she didn’t really care either. Suddenly grabbing a knife from behind the bar, Elizabeth found herself walking quickly toward him in a moment that she was sure that if Teddy had been there he would have been smiling at her. She didn’t care if she had to stab her brother she was getting him out of her bar.   
“Get out,” screamed Elizabeth making him do so finally running out of the bar as she came towards him knife drawn. When he was gone, Elizabeth locked the door turning out the lights, and hearing the crunch of glass beneath her boots she went up the backstairs to her apartment.   
“I’ll clean up in the morning,” whispered Elizabeth upon hearing that crunch just wanting to be in her apartment where she knew Teddy’s memory would be just as strong and she was right for she almost felt him the second she opened the door.   
The tears came then worse than before and with them came his voice.   
“You got a fire in you, don’t you, darling,” said Teddy. Despite what had just happened, Elizabeth still smiled when she heard his voice because she missed him. She missed him and it was like she had told her brother; she would always love him even if there would be days she didn’t want to. Teddy would have been proud of her. He liked the fire inside her that was the one thing that she hoped he didn’t fake. It was the one thing she didn’t think he did. And Teddy could match her fire. He had one inside him too. It sounded weird even to her, but there had been a passion between them even when they were fighting. Teddy had always had a fire all his own; he was the perfect match to her fireworks.   
“I miss you,” whispered Elizabeth in that moment picturing him the first time they had had a fight not even remembering what they had fought about. They were happy together, even when they were fighting which like any couple happened from time to time. But what she had thought was love always seemed to overpower that. She could remember many times when the fight was over when they would come together whispering sweet words to each other. Many times, when kisses would be shared and when they would make love the fight no longer important. Opening her eyes in that moment, Elizabeth frowned. All that hadn’t been real. Nothing about her Teddy Bear had been real. It was those good, bad, and bittersweet moments that made her not want to just forget him like Bobby said she should. Teddy wasn’t some unimportant thing in her life she could forget. He had been important, hell, he still was because he was still her husband even now. He was the only man she had ever loved enough to marry and that alone made him part of a very special event in her life. She knew someday she would have to, but standing still against the door Elizabeth somehow knew now was not the time. Teddy was still too much in her mind.   
That thought was heavy on her mind as she stepped out of the shower going to her room wrapped only in a towel.   
“Lizzy,” breathed Teddy in her head again the goosebumps rising on her skin as his voice filled her mind; she still expected him to come up behind her just like he used to his kisses heavy on her shoulders. Part of her wondered if maybe Bobby wasn’t right, if she could be happy again if she erased all memory of him. And then her eyes landed on her bedside table. They were still there, right where she had left them when she realized that everything they had had been fake. Their wedding bands, his and hers, they were right there. Despite being gone, Elizabeth could look anywhere in her apartment, and see him. He was never coming back though, so why was she holding on to his so tightly?   
“Because you still love him,” thought Elizabeth laying still in a towel on her bed. She didn’t know what she was going to do as she closed her eyes to sleep. Theodore Bagwell was her ghost, but she didn’t know the other half of that. For T-Bag felt the same. He missed her every minute of every day, he was determined he would see her again if only to tell her the truth behind what they had shared. His Lizzy was his phantom and unlike her, Teddy never wanted her to stop haunting his soul.


	3. Memory Lane

Elizabeth sometimes truly felt like she was haunted. Like Teddy was there with her, even when he wasn’t, his memory leaning on her, over her shoulder, so he could whisper into her ear. Just like he used to do, even the sound of his voice was there, exactly as she remembered it, and what effected Elizabeth most was that it was there all the time. Teddy wouldn’t leave her, at least, not his memory.   
“You can’t hide from me, darling,” her figment of Teddy would whisper into her mind keeping her memories alive as he walked like a happy nightmare in her dreams even as other people’s words did the same.   
“You need to get a divorce and forget about him, Elizabeth,” Bobby had said to her, his words there right alongside Teddy’s making her wonder who was right, who was wrong, and sometimes she was sure she already knew that they both were. Maybe she did need to divorce Teddy and move on with her life, but every time she thought that that same thought always entered her mind. It wasn’t that easy because deep down she knew Teddy wasn’t just in her mind, he was etched into her heart.  
But it wasn’t Teddy’s words that had her locked away. His were the ones that kept her going, she knew that as she tended bar every night even though she didn’t have to. Since her fight with Bobby, she hadn’t left the bar, she went from there to her apartment, and back. She lived off take out and the memory of Teddy in her mind. And when the bar was closed, sometimes she didn’t even get out of bed. She just didn’t see the point. Since her fight with Bobby, Elizabeth had stayed to herself speaking only to customers in her bar. Teddy was the only thing she really thought about and as much as she wanted to sometimes, she couldn’t. And though she didn’t know it, Teddy was living the same life minus the isolation. Lizzy was his ghost whispering to him as he did to her. Her memory was constantly running through his mind, it gave him a reason to live despite his current situation, and with each letter he wrote her every day that went unanswered that reason only grew. Because he wanted to prove to her that what they had had wasn’t broken. He wanted to prove to her that he loved her, that he still loved her even behind these walls, and no matter what happened or what he did that would never change. And the longer this went on the sooner they both realized something that their ghosts wouldn’t just disappear someday. They would always be there, but only Elizabeth understood the other half of that. She knew that her ghost would leave only when she stopped loving Teddy and that would never happen. It was as she said, his name was etched permanently into her heart, and it was that love that was her constant bleeding wound. But when Heather walked into her bar Elizabeth was happy even as she knew her isolation would end. Heather had been her best friend for a long time and when she sat down at the bar in front of her she smiled getting her a drink as she leaned her head on her hands. Teddy almost left her mind in that moment except for one thought; he used to do the same thing. He would enter the bar, sit down across from her, and leaning across it he would kiss her. She used to love that.   
“Bobby called,” whispered Heather not needing to tell her what he had called about. Elizabeth set a drink in front of her with a frown, she knew Bobby had called her about Teddy, about her always thinking about him, but looking at Heather she wasn’t worried. She had always understood.   
“Why?” exclaimed Elizabeth already knowing Teddy was the reason. He had already tried every way to keep her down, to make her want to just forget about Teddy, and now he was calling her best friend to do the same; it made her want to throw another glass at his head.   
“He’s not happy you can’t stop thinking about Teddy. He’s pissed you won’t get a divorce and he told me I need to come knock some sense into you because to quote him you’re being stupid,” whispered Heather grabbing her hand on instinct knowing what she was saying was hurting her. Bobby and Heather had never gotten along, mostly because he seemed to thrive on Elizabeth being unhappy. Heather knew what Teddy had been, she was the only one who knew everything including that Elizabeth had already known what Teddy was, and she had never judged. She had supported their relationship from the beginning.   
“I’m surprised he actually called him by his name,” whispered Elizabeth knowing as she looked at her friend that he hadn’t. She had cleaned up Bobbies language and smiling Elizabeth shook her head. She didn’t know why, she was used to her brother’s colorful language concerning her husband by now.   
“Hell no, you know your brother, he called him every name he could, but I figured he had stressed you out enough. I heard how you threw a bunch of stuff at his head that is why I’m not here to yell at you, not that I ever would, I know Bobby just doesn’t understand. You and Teddy had something special…you loved him, and I know you’re going to need some time,” exclaimed Heather placing her hand over Elizabeth’s making her smile. Heather always understood and she truly loved her for that. She let her work as she sat there then sipping her drink and nothing else was said. They didn’t need to say anything; they were fine with things the way they were even if they were in complete silence.   
Heather had been nothing, but supportive since Teddy had left, it had been her that cried with her that morning, and it had even been her that had talked her into going out with him. Elizabeth sometimes thought about that moment, when she had been so close to cancelling their first date, but Heather had stopped her. She had told her she needed to stop working her ass off and start living. Though now, Elizabeth sometimes wondered if she had almost dodged a bullet, but then she would remember. Memories of Teddy would flood her brain and she would drop that thought. Teddy wasn’t a mistake, Elizabeth knew she had loved him that she still did, and the only thing she regretted was that she hadn’t seen the signs. If she had maybe he wouldn’t have been able to hurt her so badly because now she lived with the pain he left and that was the one thing she wanted to go away.   
“Darling, I do believe you get more stunning with every step you take,” Teddy had said and those words always made her think of that night, their first date, and the night when he had asked her for it. Teddy’s face sitting across from her in the same stool Heather sat in now appeared in her head then and Elizabeth couldn’t help closing her eyes. It was that moment that she knew she had started to like him and that led to her falling in love with him. It was a moment she couldn’t have stopped if she wanted to.   
That first night when they met had been wonderful. Elizabeth remembered sitting with him talking for hours for once letting her bartender watch the bar because she was so focused on Teddy. No man had ever just sat and talked to her, they usually just eyed her up, and made small talk that bored her to pieces. But Teddy he had managed to have a conversation with her all at the same time as he was running his eyes over her like a piece of his favorite candy. That more than anything else had attracted her to him. Teddy made her laugh and that had been something she enjoyed until suddenly things got serious.   
“Tell me, darling, what would you say to us getting out of your lovely establishment, and going for a little date sometime. Just us two…if you have the time that is?” whispered Teddy leaning in close making her heart race with the question. For a moment Elizabeth just looked at him, she knew what she wanted to say, but not how to say it. All she could think was that it had been so long since she was on a date.   
“I get out from time to time, I could be persuading in going out. That mean you’re interested in me, Mr. Bagwell?” said Elizabeth making him grin at her which for reasons she didn’t understand at the time made her follow suit.   
“I told you to call me, Teddy, and yes I am. I was hoping you might agree to having a little fun with me, outside your lovely place here,” whispered Teddy. His words took her breath away, no one had ever asked her like that, not in such an eloquent way, and that was the first hint she got. The first hint that Theodore Bagwell was more than just another guy. Though, Elizabeth still had no idea that he would be the love of her life.   
“I would love to go out with you, Teddy. Did you have a time in mind?” breathed Elizabeth smiling when he smiled. She had actually been looking forward to it. Even as he was asking she had been looking forward to going out with him and part of her had been tempted to leave with him right then. His grin had only intensified that urge.   
“I was thinking Saturday at eight unless you already have plans?” whispered Teddy leaning forward more, so close that she wondered if he would kiss her. And he had thought about it. Teddy remembered wondering what he lips would taste like, his Lizzy’s red lips that he was sure would taste so sweet like hard candy suckers. He wanted so badly in that moment to taste those lips, but then was not the time. Elizabeth couldn’t hold back her smile then and Teddy couldn’t contain his grin.   
“I can’t wait…it’s a date, Mr.…Teddy. Just don’t be late,” said Elizabeth seductively licking her lips. When she did that, Teddy remembered the need to kiss her only getting stronger. He remembered thinking that he would have loved to just kiss her until she was putty in his hands letting him do whatever he wanted to her. But again, he had to hold back only running the tips of his fingers over her arm. Teddy didn’t leave until closing and as she walked him to the door he had wanted to impress her. But still the thought had been there that he could have his way with her. They were alone, but even as he thought about it he couldn’t do it. He didn’t know why though. He had just walked to the door with her and standing in the doorway with her he had suddenly just stared her down grinning as he decided just what he was going to do. It was something Elizabeth would never forget.   
His staring had made her almost self-conscious at first, but when he took her hand Elizabeth got those goosebumps again. This time they were worse though because he was touching her. His hands were so soft, so soothing, and she had liked the way they felt on her even then. And in that same moment they had both felt that race too. Teddy remembered the way his heart raced just by touching her and he had no idea why. Elizabeth remembered how hers seemed to be zooming through her chest and even as it stunned her she didn’t want it to stop. Part of her didn’t even want him to leave especially when his lips kissed the back of her hand. That was truly a move no other man had tried on her before. And then their eyes were meeting again.   
“Teddy?” Elizabeth had breathed part of her scared he would try to kiss her because she wasn’t sure if she could say no.   
“Until we meet again, Saturday, Miss. Lizzy,” breathed Teddy letting his eyes run over her one last time.   
“Elizabeth,” Elizabeth had tried to correct him for the first and last time, but one look from him had stopped her. Maybe it was the way he was looking at her, or the sexy sound of his voice, she didn’t know. She only knew that for the first time in her life from that night forward, she wasn’t just Elizabeth; she was his Lizzy. And she had loved being his Lizzy.   
“I do believe I prefer Lizzy,” whispered Teddy grinning as he walked away into the darkness. Elizabeth had watched him go before suddenly she was closing and locking the bar door. Leaning heavily against, she sighed trying to slow her heartbeat. He was like no man she had ever met before. And Teddy had thought the same about her. She was an angel, his angel, and he didn’t think he would ever find another like her. Lizzy was the first woman to ever understand him and want to be with him. Even from that first moment Teddy had thought she was amazing.   
“Elizabeth?” said Heather breaking her out of the bubble that memory had left her in. It brought her back to reality, to her friend in front of her, and the bar they stood in. The same bar where it had all happened, but Elizabeth tried to push that away focusing on Heather as their eyes met. She didn’t need to tell her what she had been thinking about she knew she already knew. But she only took her hand giving it a squeeze. Heather wasn’t like Bobby, she understood. She knew what Teddy and Elizabeth had shared, had seen it for herself, and because of that she would never judge. She would only be there until her best friend was alright again.   
Instead she only took her hand wanting to sooth some of the pain Teddy had left behind.   
“Come out with me tonight? You need to get out of this bar, out of that apartment, and have some fun,” whispered Heather seeing automatically that Elizabeth was reluctant.   
“I don’t know…who’s gonna watch the bar. I told Bobby to stay away…I don’t think I’m ready. What if someone hits on me or flirts…I’m still a married woman,” exclaimed Elizabeth her voice shaking nearly as bad as her hands in that moment. That was when Heather threw her hands up in protest.   
“Yes, but your husband is in prison…it wouldn’t be cheating, not technically, and that girl who you pay so much money can watch the bar. I’m sure she can handle it for one night…no offense sweetie, but Teddy cheated on you, you could consider it payback. You need to get out of here and live…you can’t mourn him forever,” whispered Heather watching as her words sunk into her friend’s head. A moment of silence passed before Elizabeth looked at her and Heather knew without a word from her that she had her. There was no argument she could make.   
After a moment of silence, Elizabeth finally nodded making Heather squeal, and throw her arms around her the bar between them.   
“Come on, you are not wearing jeans…it’s time your dresses get to come out of the closet,” exclaimed Heather pulling her from behind the bar quickly taking her up to her apartment and pushing her towards her bedroom.   
“Go…I know you’ll have a good time. I am not letting you chicken out,” squealed Heather pushing her inside her room and closing the door with a click that sounded more like a slam. But her words sent her back down memory lane.   
Elizabeth remembered being just as nervous when she had been getting ready for her dater with Teddy. It was the first date she had had in such a long time, but Heather had been there ready to push her out of the nest. She had talked her out of cancelling and pushed her into her room to get ready. In fact, that was what brought the memory back to her more than anything, Heather had said those exact same words when she did that. That she wasn’t going to let her chicken out. Heather had done her hair after she was dressed, her makeup too, and the next day it had been Heather calling for details. It was those thoughts in that moment that had Teddy entering her mind grinning at her just like he did back then. And those memories weren’t done with her yet. Elizabeth found herself roaming through her closet looking for something to wear and she just happened to stumble upon that dress. She remembered picking that dress to wear on their first date because it was simple. She had worn it to test him, to see if he would think she was beautiful all the time or if he was just playing her, but now all she thought about when she looked about was him. He had passed that test and looked at her in a way that night that no one else ever had. Teddy always made her feel beautiful in a way she had never really thought herself and thinking of that now Elizabeth hated knowing that was fake. Because as memory after memory went through her mind she frowned, he had never really stopped looking at her that way, and she would have loved to know that it was real. But in the back of her mind the fact that it was fake was just another thing imprinted on her along with her love for him.   
“I’ll never wear this dress again,” thought Elizabeth letting the green cotton fabric run through her fingers remembering that look in his eyes. It put thoughts in her head.   
It made her wonder if Teddy had forgotten about her the second he left her? If he ever thought of her now? Part of her really wanted to know the answer. Teddy was thinking of her at that very moment, she just didn’t know it, and the moment that began to run through her mind all the time went through his all the time.   
“I’m not that easy,” Elizabeth had said on that night only confirming his own thoughts, those words an echo whenever he thought of their first date. Teddy remembered feeling a bit self-conscious as he went to get her. He knew she would be stunning, but he didn’t think he could compare as he checked himself.   
He had been living in a ratty motel back then. Teddy had hated the place, it was just a place to eat and sleep, and he was ready should the cops show up to leave at any moment. But so far, he had not been found which he was grateful for especially now that Lizzy had entered his life. He was nervous for their first date and thinking about it now he couldn’t remember ever feeling that way before. But then again, he had never gone on a date before without intending to never see the woman again. Lizzy wasn’t going to be a one-night stand though, Teddy planned to woo the hell out of her, and then like all the rest to throw her away when he was done. When he thought of that now though, Teddy always smiled because it hadn’t turned out that way at all; Lizzy had turned out to be the woman he had been searching for without knowing that he was in search of anything at all. Teddy remembered checking himself one last time straightening his blue tie, fixing a button on his dark blue jacket before grinning to lesson those nerves. It hadn’t worked though, for soon he was walking out the door still nervous as hell. And then he had been standing outside her bar staring with those nerves churning his stomach up at the sign. Teddy would always remember taking a breath, before preparing to go inside, but as she would do many times throughout their relationship, she beat him to it. When he opened the door, Teddy saw her already standing there, and holding the door open he watched her exit the bar moving to stand right in front of him. And it was just as he thought, she was stunning. Lizzy stood there in darkness at first, but then she stepped into the light of the street lamp. That light complimented her just as much as the bar lights had the night they met. Lizzy’s skin was beautiful as it glowed making it look still so dark. As his eyes ran over it he admired the curve of her neck the slope of her shoulders and looking at her he imagined himself kissing that skin. Kissing those shoulders and that neck. But then he continued to look at her.  
“You look very handsome, Teddy,” Elizabeth had whispered smiling at him, but he wasn’t paying attention instead he was looking at her part of him distracted by her hair as it hung pinned atop her head a few strands hanging loose.   
“Wow…you are,” began Teddy unable to take his eyes off her as she stood before in that green dress he remembered so well, the sleeves going to her elbows, the bottom going just above her knees, and the as his eyes traveled over it following the curves of her body Teddy found himself licking his lips. It clung to her body even as it let her breath and Teddy just kept running his eyes over her.   
“He won’t stop staring at me,” Elizabeth remembered thinking part of her liking it while another part only felt her nerves building because of it.   
“Darling, I do believe you get more stunning with every step you take,” whispered Teddy making her breath hitch. Elizabeth had wanted to giggle in that moment, he was charming in a way all the other guys before him hadn’t been. But another part of her wouldn’t let her guard down. That first moment between them was awkward as their eyes met and gently they shared a smile. Or rather she smiled and he grinned both of their nerves slowly slipping away as the seconds passed. But still Elizabeth just couldn’t seem to let her guard down.   
“You look really handsome too,” whispered Elizabeth unable to come up with a comment as good as his had been as she prepared to say what she had to say before their date officially began.  
“You don’t want to get hurt again,” Elizabeth remembered thinking needing to protect herself in that moment as she took slow steps towards him.   
“As much as I love the lines you use on me, Teddy, I don’t want to make you expect something you’re not going to get. I don’t sleep with anyone until I’m ready, and I don’t trust easy. Too many have tried to use me as just a cheap piece of ass…I hope you can try to understand,” whispered Elizabeth hoping she wasn’t ruining everything from the very beginning. She hadn’t known what he was going to say, but he didn’t say anything at first. But what he had done surprised her. Teddy had simply taken her hand in his and bowing over it he kissed it. Elizabeth would never admit it, but part of her had wanted to swoon.   
“I had no such thought,” whispered Teddy even as his eyes were running up her bare legs from the hem of her green dress over her calves to the tip of her black heels.   
Even as he said that, Teddy still wanted to grab her, and take her against the street lamp.   
“Shall we go, darling?” Teddy had whispered looping her arm through his, a silence following as they moved down the street until suddenly their eyes met mid step.   
“Where are you taking me?” whispered Elizabeth their eyes not breaking.   
“That would be a surprise, my sweet, but don’t you worry. I plan to show my girl the time of her life tonight,” said Teddy surprising her with his word choice more than anything else. But despite the surprise Elizabeth found herself smiling because she liked being called his girl. Even if she wasn’t, at least, not yet.   
“I’m not your girl, at least, not yet,” whispered Elizabeth letting him lead her forward with a chuckle.   
Elizabeth had expected Teddy to take her on the standard date, but he had surprised her by taking her on what would turn out to be the best date she had ever been on. Teddy took her to a carnival, some place she had never been before, and Teddy would never forget the glow in her eyes when he led her through the entrance. He had hoped she would have a good time and he liked that he could make those eyes glow and he liked it even more when he made her smile too. Now, as he stood locked behind prison walls, Teddy savored every memory he had of her smiles. They reminded him of their time together, of how happy they had been before he ruined it. And on that night, she had smiled, and though he didn’t know it a single thought had went through her mind. No one had ever taken her out on a date to a carnival before.   
“You’re very easy to talk to, you know, I like talking to you more than anyone else I’ve ever met before,” Elizabeth remembered telling him after the first two hours when she found herself looking at him, the only thing they had done so far was talk, and despite that she was loving it. They just found a bench and sat together talking. Elizabeth had loved it, he was the first man she was ever able to talk with, but that wasn’t what she remembered most.   
Elizabeth didn’t know if it made her fickle, but she didn’t remember their actual conversation that night. Sometimes she wondered if Teddy did, though he really didn’t either. Instead, what she remembered was his hand, Teddy held her hand the whole time they talked, and she had liked that. Teddy remembered that too. He remembered not wanting to let go because he liked the feel of her skin against his. It was so soft, so beautiful under the carnival lights, and he kept wondering what it would taste like as he fucked her senseless. But neither of them could remember anything other than that.   
“I love this song,” Elizabeth remembered saying when she just happened to hear the song playing around them. It was Love me by Elvis Presley, one of her favorite songs, and Teddy saw the shine in her eyes when it played.   
“She likes this song…I should remember that,” thought Teddy in that moment listening to the song himself smiling as her eyes continued to glow before he stood pulled her to her feet too.   
“Let’s dance,” breathed Teddy suddenly having her in the circle of his arms.   
As they danced, they both couldn’t help looking at each other. Teddy liked that the glow in her eyes didn’t disappear, it helped him know that she was having a good time, and that made him happy though at the time he didn’t know why. She wasn’t supposed to be anything, this wasn’t supposed to mean anything, but he was feeling things with her he didn’t even know the meaning of. As those thoughts were running through his mind, Elizabeth just found herself looking at him, and smiling. She couldn’t remember ever feeling safer with anyone in her life. In his arms, she felt secure, she somehow knew that he would never let anyone hurt her, and as his hand gently stroked the small of her back as they danced she felt a tingle inside. She meant what she said, she didn’t sleep with anyone on the first date, but she wouldn’t deny she was tempted. Elizabeth couldn’t deny she was very attracted to him especially in that moment. No one had ever slow danced with her before, only Teddy.   
“Well…this wasn’t so bad, was it. Do you think you’ll give me another date after this,” Teddy remembered asking her? Lizzy had smiled at him, really smiled at him, for the first time.   
“Yes, I think I will,” whispered Elizabeth smiling still as she leaned in sweetly kissing his cheek; it was a moment now Teddy thought of whenever he missed her most.   
“Yes, this is actually the best date I’ve ever been on. I hope there will be more of them with you, Teddy,” whispered Elizabeth daringly kissing his other cheek making their eyes meet both smiling. The dance continued even as the song changed to something ever slower. It was then they danced from cheek to cheek, Frank Sinatra singing to them then, and Elizabeth couldn’t have been happier. And Teddy couldn’t have either though he tried to think he was acting, now he knew he wasn’t. It had started out as an act, but changed into something he was now so grateful for.  
“Can I ask you something?” whispered Teddy suddenly his eyes boring into hers.   
“I guess so, I’d like to think you could ask me anything,” whispered Elizabeth gently smiling her arms going around his neck.   
“Do you believe in love?” said Teddy quickly even now not knowing why he had asked her that. It had just come out in the same moment as the question entered his mind. It had taken them both by surprise and even now Elizabeth found it ironic. He had asked her if she believed in love, then he made her believe in it, and now he was the reason she no longer did. He had done all that, him, Theodore Bagwell, and yet even as she no longer believed in their love Elizabeth still loved him. Sometimes, to her, it all didn’t make sense.   
“No one’s ever asked me that,” Elizabeth had answered in response the question throwing her so much she didn’t know what to say at first. But despite that, she had considered the question quickly realizing she didn’t actually know the answer.   
“Ask me after a few more dates,” said Elizabeth receiving only a nod in return before she found herself being dipped.   
“Teddy!” Elizabeth had squealed his name laughing as he dipped her low once again tempted to kiss her as he did so, but he didn’t, though Teddy regretted it now, he had only set her back on her feet. That was the moment he fell in love with that laugh.   
Their date hadn’t ended there though, afterward they found themselves just wondering around until suddenly he made them stop.   
“Come on, we’re gonna do something even I didn’t have planned, darling,” said Teddy suddenly holding tightly to her hand as he led her forward. Teddy remembered her slightly flustered look when he made her stand in the shortest line there. It was the line for the Ferris wheel, he had seen it, and decided he wanted to go up in it with her. Though he had no idea why. Elizabeth was scared from the moment he pulled her in line. This was the last thing she had been expecting and looking up at the Ferris wheel, she breathed. She tried to calm her nerves, but the more she breathed the more it failed to work. Of all the rides to go on, of all the rides to want to go on, he had to choose this one. The one she was scared of. And suddenly Teddy made her look at him. He saw her fear and he didn’t understand it. Gently he touched her cheek lining her eyes up with his and he didn’t need to say it. With his eyes, he asked her what was wrong.   
“I’m afraid of heights,” said Elizabeth trying to control her breathing still. Teddy immediately nodded his head and Elizabeth began to feel better until she realized he wasn’t pulling them out of line. They were still moving forward and looking at him she found him smiling at her. Teddy would always remember kissing her forehead in that moment hoping it would sooth her nerves and wrapping his arm tight around her. He was going to help her concur her fear, he just needed her to know that he was there in that moment, and no matter what happened he was not going to let anything happen to her. Elizabeth thought fondly of that moment now even though she was still scared of heights. But Teddy pulled her forward sitting with her in a car anyway.   
As they started to move Elizabeth found herself gripping his hand tighter than before. Teddy had chuckled at that using the opportunity to wrap his arm around the back of her seat the letting it slip around her shoulders pulling her close to his side. Again, he kissed her temple, and that made her look at him. Elizabeth remembered having trouble breathing, but despite that she felt the overwhelming urge to kiss him.   
“Don’t you worry, darling, your Teddy Bear is right here to protect you,” whispered Teddy making her smile even as her stomach churned. Elizabeth found herself leaning into his arms in that moment accidentally bringing their lips closer.   
“What would you do if I tried to kiss you?” Teddy had whispered gently touching her cheek bringing her lips only closer.   
Elizabeth would forever remember that question and the way he licked his lips as he said it. Just as Teddy would never forget the way she licked her lips in response.   
“Give it a try and see,” whispered Elizabeth expecting him to hesitate, but he didn’t. Teddy kissed her as soon as she gave the okay. The kiss had been lingering, intense, even for a first kiss, and it was his Lizzy who moved it forward.   
Lizzy had touched his cheek their lips still connected, it had made his lips open, and her tongue slip inside. The intensity level was only rising when the car they were in moved. Elizabeth instantly broke away grabbing his shoulders as she screamed. She soon found herself looking into his eyes, Teddy remembered seeing her fear lesson in that moment, and smiling at her he held her close.   
“I forgot where we were,” breathed Elizabeth silently liking the feel of his arms around her.   
“Don’t worry, honey, I’m right here,” whispered Teddy tenderly kissing her again though this time it was merely a peck on the lips. Elizabeth would always remember the way he held her until her feet were on the ground again. Teddy had hated when the time came to take her home. The walk had been filled with small talk and smiles until reaching the bar, they found it closed, but using her key she unlocked the door. They had lingered together in the doorway both unsure what to say until taking her hand he kissed it.   
“Still not gonna let me come up?” breathed Teddy pulling her close liking the way she wrapped her arms around his neck.   
“I’m not that easy,” whispered Elizabeth touching his cheek leaning in for another kiss. This kiss was slow, gentle, and once again she broke it.   
“Goodnight,” breathed Elizabeth gently smiling letting her arms go from around his neck to rest on his chest.   
“Until we meet again,” breathed Teddy kissing her hand once more before walking off.   
As he walked away, Teddy let Lizzy’s words linger in his head. She wasn’t that easy and smiling he shook his head with a chuckle; he didn’t think she would be. As she climbed the stairs to her apartment, Elizabeth had felt her heart pounding; she didn’t know it, but she was already falling in love. It was one of the many moments neither of them would never forget.


	4. Letting Go and Holding On

“Why does he keep writing to me?” Elizabeth thought as she stared at the pile of mail on the counter seeing his letter right on top making everything beneath it worthless. The letter was addressed to her from Fox River Penitentiary in Joliet, Illinois, it was written in his handwriting.  
“You could open it,” thought Elizabeth thinking about all the others that had come before it that she kept safely hidden under her bed immediately shaking her head with that thought knowing she couldn’t do that. All she wanted was Teddy’s letters to stop coming, she didn’t even understand why he bothered; what they had had wasn’t real. It was that thought that tempted her to open it, but Elizabeth shook her head.   
She knew if she opened that letter, if she read his words that it was only opening her up to his brand of pain. That she would just start to fall in love again, to love him again, and Elizabeth knew where that would lead. It would lead to him hurting her all over again. And that was one thing she was never going to let him do ever again. In that moment, Elizabeth remembered that day when she had woken up to find him gone, that day when she had searched the apartment for him only to find herself all alone, but for once she wasn’t just sad; she found herself angry. Angry that he had done that and now he was writing to her thinking he could just come crawling back to her, as if she was some whore, his sloppy seconds, and that was what made her grab that letter. Part of her had the unbelievable urge to tear to pieces, but instead she only grabbed it tight in her fist marching with firm steps into her bedroom. Sitting on the floor by her bed, Elizabeth pulled the shoe box from underneath it opening it to find each letter since the beginning still there.  
“Not again, Teddy,” whispered Elizabeth letting her eyes run over her name in his handwriting before dropping the letter to be with the others. What could he possibly want? It ran through her mind again as she stared down at each Illinois postmark. So many scenarios went through her mind, ones of tearing just one letter open, and maybe finding out what he had to say. Maybe being even more daring then that and taking the ultimate risk of taking the long drive to see him in prison. It was a drive she was afraid of because part of her wasn’t so sure she wouldn’t melt like ice in front of him the second he looked at her with that brown eyes or the second he said her name in that accent of his. Luckily the trip from St. Louis to Illinois was a long one and that alone kept her at home. But still the temptation was always there. That like all her other questions would go unanswered. She could go see him, she could open his letters, and she could even write to him. But that was never going to happen.   
Elizabeth just kept telling herself that she was not going to let him hurt her again. She was going to find her strength again and maybe learn to believe in love again. And maybe in that process she could forget Theodore Bagwell ever existed though that was the one she really didn’t believe possible. She still loved him too much to do that. That was why she could go see him or write or even open a letter because he would make her fall in love. She knew she would fall for him again and Elizabeth knew it would be fake again. That he would just be using her as some piece of ass and that was what she hated most about him; he had turned her into the one thing she had never wanted to be. And if she saw him Elizabeth knew he would make her that again. Especially since she knew she still loved him.   
“You need to get a divorce,” Bobby had said that and once again Elizabeth questioned whether that was the right or wrong decision. After all it wasn’t as if Teddy would care, he had left in the first place, it was him who made that decision, but then Elizabeth asked herself; was that what she wanted? And the truth was, no, but then she had another thought too. She wanted her husband back too, she wanted him for the rest of her life, and she had only gotten him for four months. None of this was her fault, he had left her, and yet the more she thought of it, the more she didn’t understand why she couldn’t leave him. But then looking at the letters Elizabeth had another thought. Maybe she wouldn’t be able to leave him until she forgot him. Maybe that was the only way she wouldn’t feel this, this love, this sadness all because of him. Forgetting him would take all that away, at least that’s what she hoped for, as she closed the box the temptation to open one just there. When she forgot him though, all these letters could be thrown away, but that too could happen when she forgot him. And then he appeared in her head just as he always did.   
“Lizzy,” whispered Teddy his grin on his face giving her goosebumps. Part of her felt like correcting him, but she still couldn’t. She liked the way Lizzy sounded on his lips, in that accent, and falling to the floor by her bed she laid her head against the bed. Closing her eyes, memories flashed through her mind, memories of him saying her name, it didn’t matter where or when it was just the way he said it. Like she was the only thing on his mind and opening her eyes again Elizabeth heard it again as a constant echo through her mind. That was when the tears came her face falling into her hands as she sobbed. But then she looked up her eyes lingering on their wedding bands still sitting on the night table. They had once been a sign of their love, now though, they were just a sick reminder of how stupid she had been, of how stupid she still was for continuing to love him. That only made her cry more. They made her have another thought, if she couldn’t forget him, at least, in her head, she could try to forget him everywhere else. Swiping the tears from her face with suddenly angry fingers, Elizabeth found herself crawling to the night table picking the rings up for the first time since they had been set there. For a moment, she looked at them remembering that moment when their eyes had met as he slipped it onto her finger. It had all been a lie. Opening the box with the letters, Elizabeth closed her eyes again dropping them in with a metallic thud, and opening them again she watched them lye there working up the courage to put the lid on the box again. After she did, she thought she would feel better, but she didn’t because there was so much more that reminded her of him still all around her. And suddenly she was roaming endlessly through her apartment erasing him. Or at least trying to.   
“I can do this,” whispered Elizabeth having doubts already as she found another box scribbling his name across it as she prepared to pack him away that green dress being the first to go into it. Next, she continued through her closet, not stopping until she found what she was looking for; the hoodie he had left behind. For a moment, Elizabeth held it in her hands before bringing it to her nose, she smelled it. It still smelled like him and putting it in the box she tried not to remember how she got it.   
“Are you cold?” Teddy had breathed leaning away from her out of a kiss. When she had nodded a yes, he had taken off his hoodie almost immediately wrapping it around her shoulders, and as they started to walk again she had taken her opportunity. She had grabbed his hand using it to curl his arm around her wanting to be close to him and when he had looked at her she had simply said she wasn’t warm enough yet. That had made him pull her right into his chest his lips engulfing hers. That was why she shook her head leaving that memory and staring down at that hoodie in her hands now those doubts still there. Could she really just box him away? But ignoring that question she continued at her task.   
Suddenly everything was in the box, everything that made her think of Teddy, except for the apartment itself, sadly, she couldn’t take him out of the walls. She still didn’t think it was real. Here he was, all of it, everything she had that was essentially her Teddy put in one box, but she guessed that shouldn’t surprise her. She had known him such a short among of time when she married him, barely over a year. But then she remembered not everything was in there yet. There was still one thing she had yet to take off and put in the box; it was the one thing she might not be able to part with. Suddenly, she brought her hand to her throat, to the Teddy Bear around her neck; she hadn’t taken it off since he gave it to her.   
“Lizzy, you’re my girl, I love you,” Teddy had said as he sealed the clasp around her throat kissing it then turning her head to kiss her lips holding her so tightly in his arms in that moment making her smile and turn to face him letting him lean her up against the kitchen counter. That memory shook her to her core. That was one of the many when he had begun to say he loved her and she had believed him. She had believed then, she had believed him when he said not seconds later as he made love to her on the kitchen counter, and again when he was done kissing her after they were married. So many times, she had believed him and now she knew the truth. It had all been a lie, a trick, and sometimes she really hated him for that.   
“This never meant anything,” whispered Elizabeth grabbing the bear pendent in her fist part of her wanting to rip it off while another just couldn’t. Elizabeth wanted to tell herself that it was a sign of how fake their relationship had been, but deep down she didn’t believe that. Her teddy bear necklace would always be a sign that she was his girl, that she was still his girl even now, and looking at it she sighed. She was so much more than that now. She was his wife. Hell, she was still his wife; that thought made her make up her mind. She knew she wasn’t ready for a divorce, but she thought someday, she would be. And when that day came, when she was no longer his wife, no longer his girl then she would take it off.   
After a moment that memory running through her mind one last time, Elizabeth released the pendent, and let her hands hang at her sides. She looked at the contents of her Teddy box, looked at the hoodie, the dress, the photos, and she sighed looking for the courage. The courage to close it. When she did, she put both it, and her box of letters back under her bed part of her hoping she would never have to see either of them ever again. When she did, she had the same thought; she hoped it would be the last let from him she ever got. But that was not going to happen. As that thought was moving through her mind, Elizabeth had no idea, but Teddy was writing his newest letter to her. Just as he did every day. She may have hoped he would stop, but he never would. He would never stop trying to fix what he had done and each letter he sent gave him hope that he could do that. That was Teddy’s constant thought as he wrote her at that very moment too. Teddy was alone in his cell, he had his special notebook that he used only to write to her, and a pen in his hand. He was writing to her, not of life in prison, but of his life with her. Of the memories that always went through his mind throughout the day. With his back against the wall he wrote to her of the things he needed her to know again. Of his love for her and someday he hoped she would believe in that love again.   
When he started a letter, Teddy always addressed it to his darling Lizzy, for she had always been his darling, his sweet, sweet Lizzy, and he thought by addressing his letters this way she might start to remember that. To remember all the times, he had called her darling or whispered that she was his in her ear. He thought that might be the start of making her realize that he truly loved her; that she might start to forgive him though even he had his doubts. And he always made sure he was alone during these times. Maytag would disappear, he would have his cell to himself, and sitting quietly against the wall he would write in silence to her. That was his way of making sure no one found out about her not even Maytag. Teddy liked being all alone, he considered everything between Lizzy and him private, and he didn’t want anyone chancing a glance at those things that he wrote to her about. That way he could picture her, behind her bar, in her bed or even walking by his side, and that made him smile every time. Picturing her just as he remembered her. And that was one of his favorite things, remembering the time they had spent. That time, before he ruined it all, and they had still been so much in love. He wrote about those times with her to her in every letter. Teddy hoped more than anything that when she read his letters that if he reminded her of how in love they had been she would believe again. That he would make her see that that love hadn’t been a lie, that it had been real, but with each unanswered letter he sometimes wondered if she was even reading them. But despite that thought he refused to stop. He would not give up on her; he loved her too much. If he gave up he wouldn’t have anything else to live for and prison would only get worse. He needed her to know that it was real; he needed her to believe that again. Teddy needed her to read his letter and know that he still loved her. That he would never stop. He needed her to know that Susan Hollander was no longer in his heart. That he had never truly loved her. Teddy needed her to know that he loved her and after each letter was sent he waited for a reply continuing to write every day. But so far none had come.   
Today, he decided to write about all the kisses they had shared, not just the ones that mattered, but even the small pecks on the lips. He started with the one on the Ferris wheel. That would always be his favorite. As he wrote, Teddy found himself grinning at all the memories of their kisses, but he also found himself longing. Longing for her kiss again, to be able to pull her in feeling her melt her arms around his neck, and his around her as they kissed so passionately. He missed her lips, kissing her lips, and especially the sweet taste of them. But as he wrote to her in that moment he grinned still because he knew he would kiss those lips again. Teddy moved on from kiss to kiss, from their first to the last he had given her that she didn’t know about.   
“My sweet, sweet Lizzy,” Teddy remembered whispering to her as she lay sleeping his mind already made up to leave, but before he did he knew he had to kiss her lips one last time before walking out the door that morning.   
“What did she think when she woke up and I wasn’t there?” thought Teddy in that moment as he signed the letter the same as always with all his love and an X right next to his name.   
It was meant to represent a kiss. A kiss for her and only her from now on.   
“I won’t hurt you ever again, darling,” whispered Teddy wanting to tell her that in person instead of in his letters for he thought she needed to know. Teddy was so careful when he put his letter in the envelope. He would kiss it before licking it sealed and then he would address it to her hoping that maybe this would be the one she responded to. Teddy would always kiss the letter again before he went to have it sent off because part of him felt that those kisses were going to her. He wanted to give her as many as he possibly could.   
“I love you, darling, and I will make you believe that again,” Teddy would think as he entered the prison yard his mind as always on her.   
“Teddy Bear,” Elizabeth would say from inside his head making him grin his heart beating faster at the sound. He wanted more than anything in those moments to just be with her. To go back to St. Louis, to her, and her little bar. To their life where they had been so happy. To the kisses, the night making love to her, or even just those little moments. Moments spent with her in his lap, her head on his shoulder, as they watched TV or a movie. He wanted all that back, but the question was would he get it back? After all he had done to her could he get her back? Sometimes he didn’t know.   
“I love you, Teddy,” whispered Elizabeth in his head making him remember the first time she said just by chance as she’s been cooking in the kitchen leaving him speechless without a response except to kiss her. He wanted those moments back. But most of all he wanted to hold her in his arms.   
Teddy didn’t care how, if it meant just sitting with her in his lap or dancing with her at the bar to one of their songs or even making love to her. Teddy wanted to be with her. But every unanswered letter, every day away from her he didn’t know if he ever would again.


	5. Passion to Pain

“I miss you, darling,” thought T-Bag seeing her in his head in that moment just as beautiful as he had left her regret following that thought because he never should have left her in the first place; missing just every single thing that had to do with his Lizzy. Of her eyes, her full kissable lips, and her supple body. The moment he had looked at her he had been attracted to her and he knew she still was despite not having seen her in so long.   
“I miss touching her and holding her and kissing her and…just being with her,” thought T-bag then sighing as he pictured her body though part of him didn’t want to. Those moments lying in bed with her were sometimes forefront in his mind, those moments when body would be wrapped around his, and he would be touching her, kissing her, loving her. But in prison those moments were also a test to think of. It was hard knowing that someone else might be touching her in a way only he should. It was hard thinking of those moments, of their bodies intertwined like that, and still know he couldn’t have that anymore. It made being apart from her even harder.   
That was his thought as he spent another night in his cell thinking of her.   
“Since the moment I first touched her, my Lizzy, she was mine, and I ruined it,” thought T-Bag thinking of her as always though this time one memory in particular wouldn’t stop running through his mind. The moment when he had gotten to lay his hands on that body for the first time. Teddy thought of it almost all the time, he sometimes wondered if Lizzy did the same, and she did even though she didn’t want to. She kept telling herself not to think of that moment, but for Elizabeth that was the hardest part. Telling herself that usually led to her thinking of it anyway and to her thinking of him. Those moments, when he had made love to her, when he had touched her, and made her feel like she was made of gold always brought happiness mixed with the perfect amount of pain to counterbalance it. She always found herself searching for the signs that it hadn’t been real and not once could she spot a single one. Those moments when he would make love to her would always make her wake up crying in the middle of the night. They consumed her nights as much as they consumed his.   
Elizabeth hated it though, it wasn’t just that she couldn’t have that anymore, it was because it meant so much. It showed not only that she still wanted him, that she still loved him, but what she feared most of all. What Elizabeth feared was that if Teddy ever showed up at her doorstep she wouldn’t be able to turn him away. That he would be able to manipulate her again and that she was still vulnerable to him. And most of all, that that would lead to him hurting her all over again.   
“He’s not going to hurt me anymore…not ever again,” cried Elizabeth as she laid in bed once again peering up at her ceiling deeply afraid of that. Afraid that he could come back and say he wanted her again and she would just fall for it.   
“Not again…never ever again,” cried Elizabeth turning away from the ceiling gripping her pillow as she sobbed into it.   
“My Lizzy,” whispered Teddy in that same moment thinking of her, not knowing she was sobbing into her pillow, as he looked at the ceiling to his cell thinking that all he wanted was to have her forgiveness. Sometimes he dreamed about the moment when he would see her again. Teddy knew he wouldn’t get what he wanted, but still he dreamed about it. About walking into her bar, about seeing her behind it, and when their eyes met seeing her smile. And after their eyes met all he wanted was her in his arms again. He wanted to pepper her with kisses, he wanted to dance with her again kissing her still, and he wanted it all to be a sign that all was forgiven between them. But dreams didn’t come true. Teddy knew that’s not how it would be.   
“But after all I’ve done to hurt her, I doubt she could forgive me that easily…and I don’t blame her. I wasn’t much of a husband,” thought Teddy once again remembering that moment when he had first saw her wondering how much damage he had done to that woman; the woman he loved. But then Teddy sighed, there was no getting rid of the begging her would have to do when he found his way back to her. After all he had done, Teddy knew Lizzy deserved to see him on his knees in front of her begging for his forgiveness. And that’s what he would do. He would fall to his knees the second he saw her and kiss her feet as he begged for her to take him back. And as they both laid in their respective beds they shared a thought.   
They both wanted to go back to that time when they had been happy. To when they were both madly in love with each other and she still believed in that love. To the days when he would walk in a room and that alone would make her smile. But most of all to the days when he could kiss her all he wanted, not just live day by day dreaming about it like he did in prison every day. They both just wanted everything to go back to those happy days.   
“Teddy Bear,” Teddy heard his Lizzy’s voice in his mind in that moment slowly drifting to sleep.   
“My sweet, sweet Lizzy,” Elizabeth heard her Teddy in the same moment as she too fell asleep; in that moment, they both relived that moment when they made love for the first time. That moment when they said each other’s names as they lied solely in the moment, that moment when her nails left scratches down his back as he left bruises along her thighs and hips, and that moment when they shared their first soft kisses as they lay together in the aftermath. As he fell asleep, Teddy smiled because he used to love those scratches; they made him hers. That moment between started from the beginning in his mind when he relived it. He hadn’t known until that night how sexy, how much passion she truly stored inside her, and making love to her for the first time was the when he finally got to experience that. She was the only woman he had ever experienced that with. Only now did he realize just how important that night had been.   
At first, he had just planned to fuck her, for it to mean nothing, but thinking back on it now, Teddy now thought that impossible. His Lizzy had been a bombshell and when he first made love to her that shell had gone off. There was something about her, something in her eyes when he looked at her that he just couldn’t remember ever seeing in another woman. His Lizzy was beautiful, inside and out, and he had only come to realize it the longer he spent with her and the more he fell in love with her. When it had first started happening, Teddy hadn’t known what was happening, and when he realized that he was in love with her he almost hadn’t believed it. Even after he left her, he tried to convince himself it was something else, but as he began to dream then he knew it hadn’t been anything else. From the moment, he laid eyes on his Lizzy he had begun to fall for her. That night he hadn’t even been expecting her to ask him on what would be their fourth date. It had just been like any regular night he spent with her. Teddy had found himself at her back sitting there watching her as she worked. Lizzy had looked as gorgeous as ever in tight fitting jeans that he couldn’t help admiring as they hugged her shapely rear, a low-cut black tank top hugging the rest of her as he shoes clicked against the floor. He would always remember her smile when she had been drawn unexpectently into his arms for a kiss he just couldn’t resist stealing. He always stayed past closing and whenever he would offer to help with the dishes left over she would always just look at him with a shake of her head. Elizabeth would always remember leaning over the bar her hands braced on the sink just so she could kiss him. She used to hate when the night ended because it meant he would be leaving soon and for some reason she didn’t want to. She hated the end of the night when she had to show him the door with just one last kiss.   
That night, she hadn’t though, at least, not right away. Teddy would always remember the way she walked around the bar her jeans swaying to the movement of her hips like music and walking right up to him she stood between his legs wrapping her arms around his neck. Elizabeth hadn’t wanted to wait for that one last kiss of the night. She found herself kissing him heatedly in that moment his lips joining the movement of hers. And then he had been guiding her closer his hands on her hips letting her feel his half hard member then as they melted into each other. Teddy had almost thought that would be the night he got to have her for the first time, but he had been a day short.   
“I like when it’s like this. Just you and me…no one with their eyes on us. Just my Teddy and me,” whispered Elizabeth kissing along his jaw feeling as he smiled. His smile made her smile and that was when their eyes met. They shared one last kiss before locking eyes again and Elizabeth had a thought. These moments with him, they were perfect, she didn’t want it any other way, and looking at him she thought that he didn’t either.  
“I’d like to be alone with you all night long…but that’s up to you,” growled Teddy nipping at her throat as he lifted her bringing her into his lap. Teddy had smashed his lips down on hers then feeling as her hands wound into his hair. In that moment, he couldn’t help thinking that she was so soft, so warm, and he knew she would be just as soft and warm everywhere else.   
“Teddy, you have to stop that or we’ll both do something we’ll regret. I don’t want our first time to be on the floor of my bar…I’d like it to be in a bed…and I’d like to look a little sexier than I do now,” gasped Elizabeth hearing him chuckle in her ear. Teddy had looked at her, his eyes had borne into hers almost like hot coals, and in that moment, she had been so tempted to let him take her right there on the bar. But then she smiled, that could be saved for another time.   
“Let’s go up…I’ll pick you up and take you straight to bed, darling. Let me have you tonight…you won’t regret, I promise, I’ll make it so good for us both,” Teddy had whispered holding her still in his lap. In that moment, Elizabeth found herself being lifted as he made it to his feet, and holding her against the bar Teddy kissed her again. He gave her all he had and feeling as she gripped his upper back he was tempted to take her right there. Breaking away from her, Teddy waited for her to give him the okay, but when she just looked at him he sighed. Tonight, he knew he wasn’t going to get it. Again, he was tempted to just take her right there, whether she wanted it or not, but suddenly he felt a pang in his heart. He just couldn’t do that, she wasn’t like the others, and he still didn’t understand why. Elizabeth would always remember looking into his eyes and she too was tempted to tell him to take her upstairs. But she had other plans that she didn’t want to ruin. That was why when he kissed her again she showed him all her ferocity her arms wound around him once more.   
“Not tonight, Teddy…you have to go, but I want you to come back tomorrow. I have plans for us,” said Elizabeth letting her fingers run over the back of his neck. The slump of his shoulders told her he was disappointed, but he tried not to show it. Teddy only held her closer his lips kissing the column of her throat before looking at her waiting for her to continue.   
“I was hoping you would agree to dinner with me in my apartment tomorrow. I’ll cook and then after…if you wanted to…I was going to ask you to stay the night. Don’t say yes unless you’re serious…I don’t want you to feel pressured or obligated or,” exclaimed Elizabeth before his lips were gently silencing hers. Teddy had seen just how nervous she had been in that moment, it had amused him as he watched her try to explain herself, and only when he was ready to tell her to shut up did he kiss her. What she had planned sounded nice, all except for one thing; he would be staying the night.   
Teddy remembered feeling a little nervous despite what she was hinting at. He had never stayed overnight with a woman before; if he said yes, he couldn’t just fuck her, and walk away.   
“I guess I’ll be seeing you tomorrow night,” Teddy remembered saying in answer liking the way she had smiled when he did. Suddenly she had been kissing his face all over a barrage of thank yous and I can’t waits leaving her lips. And then she just held his face in her hands gazing at him a moment before kissing him squarely on the lips.   
“Put me down now…time for me to walk you out,” said Elizabeth as their lips parted making him frown before doing so smiling again before taking his hand to lead the way.   
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Teddy Bear. Everything will be ready by six…don’t be late. I’ll be waiting,” breathed Elizabeth touching his cheek. She leaned in then giving him the final kiss she always gave him. After their lips parted, Teddy looked at her a moment giving her a wink before walking away feeling her eyes on him as he did.   
Tomorrow came before Teddy and Elizabeth were fully ready. He found himself getting ready with nerves running like blood through his fingers and she found herself double checking everything repeatedly. Elizabeth remembered her nerves running high, she had wanted everything to be perfect, but that was only part of it. She was worried about what was going to happen after dinner. What if something went wrong? What if he didn’t like her or it or he was disappointed? It all ran through her mind making her nerves sour even more as Teddy was trying to chase his away in the same moment. He couldn’t chase his nerves away either and for some reason those same questions were going through his mind. He had never had such doubts about himself before. Lizzy was just another woman he told himself, but that didn’t work. As soon as he finally got his hands on her, he was done, he thought, but that didn’t work either. Teddy just couldn’t see himself doing that to her. He didn’t know why, but even as he was telling himself she was just another fuck he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He had never had to convince himself of things like that before. All the other women had taken no convincing, but Lizzy was his. That thought stopped him. He had never had such a thought before. Teddy tried to ignore that not realizing that that was the first inkling that he was falling in love. As he was having that thought, Elizabeth would always remember the way she had been running in circle to get everything ready. There was a time before he left when she found it funny. The way she had been running around half dressed cooking dinner and yet somehow, she had still managed to look as sexy as she wanted to when he came to the door. Six came much too fast for either of them.   
Teddy would always remember feeling nervous as he stood in front of the bar. Each step he took to the side door she had told him about only increased that as he pressed the buzzer. Elizabeth had felt the same as she pressed the button to open the door for him. Neither of them were fully prepared not when Teddy found himself in front of her door flowers in hand and not when Elizabeth found herself opening the door to let him in. Teddy stood there standing there looking so handsome in a light gray suit holding a bundle of red tulips in his hands. It made her smile, he was always such a gentleman.   
“Teddy…you look amazing. Come in, everything’s almost ready,” exclaimed Elizabeth smiling when he kissed her cheek as he stepped through her door his eyes on her as she closed it. When he handed her the flowers, they both grinned before Teddy took her hand. With a single tug, Elizabeth found herself in his arms, it was one of her favorite places to be even then, and accepting a kiss from him she let him break it. When he did, she smiled more as she felt his eyes running over her admiring her. Teddy found himself licking his lips as he looked her up and down again and again. Every time he saw her he wanted her more. She was wonderful, but more than that. She was sexy and stunning and beautiful and gorgeous, but most of all he had that thought for the second time. She was his.   
His Lizzy had stood there in his arms like a golden angel. She never held back when it came to her appearance and that night just looking at her he knew it was all for him. The sexy woman in front of him had done it all for him. That was when he had that frightening thought for the third time that night. She was his, all his, and that’s the way he wanted it. Elizabeth remembered getting ready for that fateful date with him. She had brushed her hair out just right wanting it to look feathered. She had let it hang over her shoulders remembering how he had said he like it that way. Teddy would always remember flashing back to when he first saw her; she had worn her hair that way that night too. He would also remember that as the first time he saw her really wear makeup. He had seen her do it before, but this time she had really gone all out. She was beautiful with or without it, but in that moment, he just couldn’t take his eyes off her. Her eyes stood out first, the mere color of them accented by the purple and black shadow, her cheek big with a smile lightly dusted in blush, and her lips those really did it. The lips he had just got done kissing looking at them in that moment he wanted to do it all over again. The red lipstick she wore just made him want to kiss her, so that’s what he did pushing her closer to his body. When their lips parted, Teddy ran his eyes over her again lingering on all the skin she was no longer afraid to show him. She wore a sexy lace shrouded little black dress with spaghetti straps and a hem that went just past her knee the rest of her body bare until his eyes reached her sexy strappy black pumps.   
Looking into her eyes again, Teddy found himself wrapping his arms around her just looking at her in that moment.   
“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on…and I really do mean that. More beautiful than one of those little flowers there,” Teddy had whispered making it hard for her to look him in the eye and when she finally did he was glad to see her smiling. Gently pecking him on the lips, Elizabeth found herself feeling grateful. Grateful that she had caught him looking at her, grateful she had walked up to him that night to confront him, but most of all grateful for accepting that first date with him. Taking his hand, Elizabeth led him further inside feeling a moment of hesitation when his hand left hers. But Teddy only grabbed her hips pulled her back against him then following her.   
“Keep it up and we won’t get to dinner,” whispered Elizabeth tenderly kissing his cheek as she led him to the kitchen where dinner was almost ready.  
“There’s nothing more to say, darling, you’ve made me speechless with the way you’re looking tonight,” whispered Teddy into her ear wrapping his arms fully around her.   
Elizabeth didn’t know what to say to that. She found all she could do was smile as she turned to wrap her arms around him once more. At first, she just looked at him still not knowing what to say, but then she did. When she did that’s when she grinned making him do the same as he waited with anticipation to see what she would say.   
“After dinner is over…I plan on taking you straight to my room, and having my way with you. I hope you don’t have any objections,” Elizabeth had whispered sliding her hands down his chest as she left her eyes run over him. Parting from him, Teddy didn’t move before watching her finish dinner. It wasn’t long before they sat across from each other silence in the air at first. But taking a bite of the chicken parmesan, she had made, he smiled.   
It was very nearly the best thing he had ever eaten.   
“God damn,” Teddy had said in response making her laugh. When she laughed, Teddy would always remember loving the sound of it, and wanting to hear more of it. From the very first sound of it, he had loved to make her laugh, he had loved to make her happy, and Teddy hoped to do it again even as he was dreaming. But that wasn’t all he was dreaming about. He was dreaming about her cooking which when compared to prison food was like gold to him. He focused on that moment again and that moment even in dream form was one of the best of his life. Elizabeth would always remember the pride, the happiness the fact that he liked her cooking gave her.   
“Thank you, I’m glad you like it,” whispered Elizabeth.  
“Do you cook a lot, my darling?” asked Teddy taking another bite his smile as permanent as hers seemed to be in that moment.   
“Yes, I love it, so much. It makes me happy and takes away from the boredom that comes with running the bar sometimes,” Elizabeth had said propping her head up on her hands as she continued to smile sweetly at him. They talked more after that, laughing, smiling, and then the moment they both wanted came. Dinner ended and the end of the night came. Finishing dinner, Elizabeth stood up putting the dishes in the sink, and when she returned she just had to look at Teddy to know the moment was at hand. When she came back Teddy took the opportunity grabbing her around the waist. With a yelp, Elizabeth found herself straddling his lap, and gripping his shoulders she looked at him. Sitting there, she couldn’t deny it felt right, being there with him, and as her dress rode up she felt his hands touch the back of her legs. And then Teddy caught her lips with his. That was when Elizabeth found herself melting.   
“You don’t waste time,” gasped Elizabeth holding the back of his head as he laved over her throat.   
“How could I wait anymore, darling? Not with a woman like you right in front of me,” said Teddy gently. He moved his hands over her body then, up her legs until he was gripping her ass, over her breasts until she was a panting mess, and that was exactly how he wanted her to respond. Elizabeth smiled down at him in that moment gasping suddenly as he bit her throat. He was marking her as his and in that moment, she wanted nothing more. That was why she held him to her.   
“Teddy…no one’s ever made me this hot before,” whispered Elizabeth hearing him chuckle in response as he lightly bit her nipples through the fabric of her dress making her say his name again his hands at her inner thighs finally. Their eyes met when he was right there teasing her by not going any further. He had this grin on his face that just made her want to scream, but for some reason she liked it. She knew he could feel her just like she could feel him; if anything, that made her want him more. Cupping that heat in that moment, he made her gasp her eyes locking with his before closing. He watched as her teeth bit her bottom lip as he stroked her through her thong until opening her eyes again she grabbed his hand.   
“I can’t wait anymore,” Elizabeth had whispered making him smile as he followed her.  
“My bedroom is this way,” said Elizabeth turning with a flourish before he grabbed her pulling her back, so she could feel him.   
“I’m glad you said something, darling. I was about ready to take you right there on the table…I don’t know where the bedroom is,” growled Teddy taking a sharp nip at her neck before following her once more. With a harm tug, Elizabeth grinned at him as she pulled him into her bedroom slamming the door shut behind her. She was desperate for him in that moment and she didn’t fully understand it. No other man had ever made her like this. But then he took back control. Leaning her against the door as soon as she closed it, Teddy attacked her lips just as desperate as she was. He couldn’t remember ever needing a woman more. That kiss was wild and passionate and heated becoming more so when he felt her arms around him. It was like she was stoking the fire. Finally, Teddy felt her brace her hands on his shoulders using them to push him back until his knees hit the bed.   
When he fell onto it, he sat up again just in time to grab her as she straddled him once more.   
“You are stunning,” breathed Teddy looking at her in that moment as she sat in his lap waiting for him to take her.   
“Lizzy,” breathed Teddy trying to decide what to do part of him wanting to just drop her on the bed and fuck the life out of her while another part couldn’t even think of doing that to her.   
“I want to take my time with her,” thought Teddy in that moment not understanding what he was feeling; now he knew he had been falling in love.  
“I want to take my time with you,” repeated Teddy out loud this time still not understanding what was happening to him.   
In the end, Teddy did the only thing he could do when it came to her. He kissed her slowly before moving to her collarbone making a trail back up. He did it nice and slow realizing that that was truly what he wanted as he found her lips once more.   
“Teddy,” breathed Elizabeth holding him close as they kissed slow, tender finally smiling as he laid her down on the bed attacking her lips once more as he got on top of her. Holding her in his arms for the first time, Teddy began to worship her with a single thought in his head. Elizabeth Addams Parker, his beautiful Lizzy, was the most beautiful attractive female he had ever had the privilege of knowing. Maybe, he thought, that was why he couldn’t just treat her like another meaningless fuck because she wasn’t one. Lizzy was different he just didn’t know exactly how.   
“So beautiful,” breathed Teddy that question still not completely answered as he repeated his path over her body. Teddy would always remember that first encounter with her, the way she had surrendered completely for him, and yet she had still touched him making him feel just as if she was worshipping him too. Her hands were so gentle as they ran over his back, along his arms until suddenly before he knew it she was trying to remove his jacket. That was when he looked at her for the first time.   
He let it drop to the floor as he rose above her removing his tie himself before returning to her. He kissed her fervently his hands cupping her face bringing her closer to him. Her hands grabbed the bottom of his shirt her hands balling into fists. She clearly wanted it off, but for the moment he ignored that as he continued to kiss her. But then her legs were spreading for him going around him. It made him growl into the kiss lowering his hips down to press into hers. When they felt each other, they let out a moan in the same moment.   
“Teddy,” gasped Elizabeth her hands gripping his lower back. His lips were at her neck again now leaving a tender bite before leaving her throat kissing the center tenderly. Parting her legs more, Teddy returned her lips to his, and that was when he moved even further down her body.   
As he did so, Teddy ran his hands up her dress removing her panties, and throwing them aside.   
“Your hands feel so nice,” whispered Elizabeth clamping her legs around him as he kissed her again their tongues clashing. And then he looked at her liking the way her eyes had darkened.   
“Hold onto me, darling,” whispered Teddy barely giving her time to do so before he was moving her up the bed. When her head hit the pillows, Teddy kissed her again, Elizabeth would always remember thinking that he kissed her in a way no one ever had.   
It made her want him even more. That was why a whine left her throat when he decided to leave her lying there. She watched as Teddy stood up, first, removing her shoes then leaning over her, he only looked at her. Fingering the straps of her dress, Teddy groaned as she lifted her body allowing him to take it off. When she was naked, Elizabeth looked at him almost expectantly, and grinning at her, he started removing his shirt.   
His eyes never left her as he did admiring her body, her succulent hips, her round almost too perfect breasts, and that pretty pussy between her legs. And he couldn’t help noticing the way she looked at him as he stripped in front of her. Teddy would always remember the way she looked at him in that moment; the look in her eye never left her that entire night. She looked at him in a way he couldn’t remember anyone ever looking at him before. Like he was all she wanted, she wasn’t like the other women who always found fault in his appearance; she wanted him, all of him just the way he was; that was clear just by the way she licked her lips when she looked at him.   
“Come back to me,” whispered Elizabeth making him do so immediately. Her legs parted for him as he let his body fall upon hers, her arms went around him holding him to her, and as they kissed Teddy didn’t know it, but that would be the first of many times he made love to her.   
“I want you, Teddy Bear,” breathed Elizabeth only spurring him on as he gathered her legs closer around his waist. He could feel her and she could feel him; they were a perfect fit.  
“I’ve wanted this since the moment I saw you downstairs. You caught my eye then, you still do; you catch my eye every time I walk into a room,” whispered Teddy.   
Elizabeth would never forget those words, even after he was gone. He had made her feel like no one ever had, like she was beautiful, but not just beautiful. She had always known she was beautiful, but he had made her feel special, important; he had made her feel like no other man ever had.   
“Fuck me,” whispered Elizabeth not having time to say it again before he attacked her lips his hand between her legs. As he entered her nice and slow to prolong the moment, Teddy fingered her clit gently stroking it his eyes boring into hers.   
As he sunk fully inside her, Elizabeth found herself saying his name before looking into his eyes seeing something there. Something he saw in her eyes too. That was love, they just didn’t know it yet, and pulling out of her they shared a gasp as her hips rose meeting his movement. Elizabeth would always remember his growl in her ear as he moved languidly inside of her, his hands firmly on her upper thighs as he found the spot that was the key to her pleasure. The feel of her was as good as he had expected. In fact, it was better.   
She had been more passionate then anyone else he had been with. She didn’t just lie there, but moved with him until the end. And the way she touched him made it clear she wanted him there with her, as close as she could get him. He could feel her nails as they scraped across his back not breaking the skin, but merely teasing to turn him on more.   
He heard his name leave her lips as he increased his pace her lips running along his jaw. That was one of the many things he missed most, that he had loved since their first time; the way she kissed his jaw, his ears, along his neck letting him know how much she wanted, needed him as he made love to her. And that’s what he did that first time. He made love to her though that first time he didn’t know it. He made love to her in a way that no one ever had and that is what had her clinging to him as he brought her closer to the edge.   
Teddy had her feeling things she never had, things that she didn’t completely understand or want to in that moment.   
“Oh darling,” breathed Teddy capturing her lips in that last moment before her nails finally broke through his skin. Teddy would always remember the way she looked when she came. His Lizzy had become incoherent her legs clamping down around him, her hands braced tightly on his back, and her eyes wide open. Her face was what he remembered most, she had looked so beautiful as she stared up at him, he couldn’t help wondering what she saw, but moving the hair from around her face, Teddy smiled.   
A groan followed that as he came too his lips falling to her throat. He felt as she stroked her fingers through his hair in that moment and when he could finally look at her again he was smiling still.   
“That was pretty good, I think, darling?” whispered Teddy kissing her cheek as he left her body. Moving to the opposite side of the bed, Elizabeth had laughed making him look at her as she wrapped an arm around his chest propping her head up on her elbow.  
“That was more than pretty good. That was beautiful, wonderful…no one’s ever made me feel so…wanted, sexy…like I wasn’t just someone to fuck,” whispered Elizabeth looking at him in that moment leaning forward to kiss him sweetly.   
When she broke the kiss, Elizabeth snuggled closer to him, her head fell to his chest, and before he knew it she was asleep.   
“My sweet, sweet Lizzy,” Teddy had whispered for the first time kissing the top of her head. That night he allowed himself to fall asleep with her, she was the first woman to wake up to find him still there, but none of that mattered anymore as they both woke up. Teddy immediately had one thought, that’s the way it had been between them, and now he was in prison as she went on with her life. He had ruined it all and for what? He didn’t know, all he did know was that he never should have left her, and that all he wanted was his Lizzy back.   
Elizabeth found herself sitting up in her bed fresh tears already there. Suddenly that box marked Teddy was at her feet and riffling through it, Elizabeth found his mugshot; the same mugshot that she had cut pout of the paper.   
“Why’d you leave me?” thought Elizabeth in that moment openly crying the tears falling onto his face. Clutching his photo, she fell to the bed again crying over him.


	6. New Beginnning

“She’s been upset ever since that bastard left, but it’s unlike her not to open,” said Bobby to Heather as they walked up the stairs to Elizabeth’s apartment three days later. They were both concerned because Elizabeth hadn’t been seen in three days. She hadn’t opened the bar at all in three days and even Bobby was worried about her. That’s why he went to Heather, she was the only one who his sister trusted, and he knew she would have a key to Elizabeth’s apartment. For a moment, they stood outside her apartment both afraid of what they’d find on the other side. But then Heather put the key in the lock turning it without a sound. When the door opened, they still didn’t move to go inside a million possibilities running through their minds. What if she was dead? She had hoped it wouldn’t come to this. Now, she only prayed that when she opened that door she wouldn’t find that her best friend was dead.   
“If she’s done something stupid like kill herself…I will find a way to kill him because this…this is all his fault,” whispered Bobby before he proceeded her inside leaving Heather to follow him knowing he was right. The door opened with an eerie creak as they stepped inside finding the whole place dark. The first place she moved to look was her bedroom, but the second Bobby moved to follow she stepped in front of him blocking his path.   
“Stay here…if she is in there, alive, all you’ll do is say something to hurt her. That’s all you ever do,” snapped Heather knowing from years of experience what he would do. It had been the same since they were kids, it didn’t matter that Elizabeth was older, Bobby had always managed to say something to hurt her; he always seemed to forget how fragile she was beneath that tough exterior of hers. Heather knew Elizabeth was hurting that she was in pain the likes of which she couldn’t understand and Heather knew she didn’t need it to get any worse. She needed support right now, not ridicule.   
“I love her too. She’s my sister…I need to know she’s okay too. If she’s not okay…don’t wait, call for me,” whispered Bobby letting her see for the first time how scared he truly was.   
There was no way he was getting past her. Sitting down on the couch, Bobby watched her enter the room hoping she wouldn’t come back to tell him his sister was dead. Heather immediately saw Elizabeth laying on the bed, she breathed a sigh when she saw she was breathing, and sitting down next to her on the bed she touched her shoulder. Elizabeth found herself startled out of sleep and opening her eyes she found Heather next to her. It all came back to her then, everything, her dream especially, and that brought the tears back. Teddy’s picture was still in her hands and in that moment Elizabeth found herself looking at it. It didn’t look like the Teddy she had known, like the man she had loved, and in that moment, she had a thought. Maybe this was the real Teddy, the one behind all the lies. But still looking at it, Elizabeth cried as she clutched it to her chest.   
Heather didn’t say anything as she cried over that picture. And Elizabeth didn’t say anything either, she just cried with his picture in her hands. It was then that that question entered her mind again, the question that she had sobbing all night for three days before sleep finally consumed her. She didn’t think it would ever get better until suddenly she felt her best friend’s arms around her. They pulled her up into a sitting position and held her as she cried. That was the only thing that made it just a little bit better.   
“Why’d he leave me? Why? I did everything for him, I never turned him in like that other woman did…why wasn’t that enough to make him stay. To make him love me…why’d he leave me?” exclaimed Elizabeth in that moment her voice low at first. But soon it rose until it was a high screeching wail. The type of wail that even Bobby heard from the living room and that didn’t lesson even as Heather tried to comfort her.   
“What did I do? Why’d he leave me, Heather, I loved him…I still love him. What did that bitch have…what was wrong with me?” exclaimed Elizabeth the sound of her sobs drawing Bobby up off the couch.   
“Bagwell, I swear if I ever get my hands on you. I will kill you for doing this to her,” thought Bobby in that moment when he entered the room seeing his sister sitting with a Heather in a sobbing heap. Ever since Bagwell had left, she had been this way, his once strong older sister was broken now.   
As much as he knew it was her own fault, it made him want to throttle the guy nonetheless.  
“You were stupid. That’s the only mistake you make, Elizabeth, you were so stupid to believe he was anything more than some rat off the street. You shouldn’t have let him into your life. You should have stayed as far away from him as you could,” snapped Bobby being his usual callus self not allowing anyone to see his true feeling as he watched his sister sob and battled her friends glare. As Elizabeth laid in bed again, that photo a crumpled mess in her hands, Heather pushed him back out of the room.   
“What the hell do you think you’re doing? She’s miserable, telling her she’s stupid is only going to make her more miserable,” screamed Heather knocking him against the wall.   
“Well, if she’d never met him she wouldn’t be this way. She needs to get over him and to do that she needs to get a divorce,” exclaimed Bobby his voice loud enough that Elizabeth heard it prompting her to get up.   
“A divorce won’t make her any better. It won’t just make the pain go away…you think it will, but it won’t. This isn’t a quick fix, Bobby,” exclaimed Heather wanting to punch him, but holding back. He had always been this way. He acted like feelings didn’t exist, like everyone should just hold everything in like he did, but that was the last thing Elizabeth needed now. She needed time. Time to move on, to live again without Teddy, and come to realize that she could.  
“Whether she’s ready or not…this is what she needs. It is the only way she is going to get rid of that bastard, the only way she is going to forget about him. Elizabeth needs to divorce Bagwell and do it now or I don’t think she ever will,” exclaimed Bobby both turning when with a nod of his head Bobby alerted them both to Elizabeth’s presence. A silence fell as they saw her standing there in the doorway. She was just staring at them and they both knew she had heard everything; neither of them knew what she was going to say. In that moment, they both shared a thought, she looked so fragile as she stood there a mess of half clothed limbs that picture held to her chest as if it were her favorite thing in the world. She had been listening the whole time and she again couldn’t help wondering if he was right.   
“This could be my only chance to be happy again,” thought Elizabeth in that moment not sure if a divorce would really make anything better or not. Would a divorce be the cure, the only way for her to be able to forget she ever knew Theodore Bagwell let alone loved him?   
Maybe there was no getting over it until she was no longer Mrs. Theodore Bagwell.   
“I’ll do it, Bobby, just…get me a lawyer. I’ll divorce him and then hopefully everything can be better,” whispered Elizabeth suddenly shocking them both though Heather more so making her approach her.   
“Elizabeth, think this through. Is a divorce really what you want? Once it’s done there is no going back,” said Heather slowly. Placing her hands on her shoulders, Heather wouldn’t let go, not until she got an answer. Their eyes met in that moment and that was when she saw it. The indecision, she didn’t know what she wanted; the only thing she knew was that she wanted the pain to go away. This was a big decision, not one to make in the spur of the moment.  
“I may not be sure exactly about this whole divorce thing, but one thing I know is I want to stop hurting. I want the pain of him leaving me to just disappear and this might be the only way. I’m getting a divorce, Heather, it might be what I need…even if it doesn’t work,” Elizabeth said in that moment sighing as she looked at his photo the entire time. This might be her only chance at happiness again. But this would also tell her what she wanted to know. It would tell her whether she would ever really get over him or if she was meant to be miserable for the rest of her life. She wanted it to be the former rather than the latter that was her thought as she looked at his photo for what she wanted to be the last time.   
“Take it, I never want to see it again,” said Elizabeth as she handed Heather his photo next trying to just breath before leaving them to go into the bathroom and looking at the photo, Heather wasn’t sure whether to throw it away or store it until she wanted it again.   
“I’ll be back…I’m going to go get that lawyer for her,” whispered Bobby as she watched her friend go. Heather stood there in that moment, she knew this wasn’t truly what Elizabeth wanted, but then she had a thought. Maybe, what she wanted wasn’t important right now. Maybe, what was really important was what her friend needed, and right now, she needed closure. This might be the only way she got it. It was in that moment that Heather found herself entering Elizabeth’s bedroom heading to check on her in the bathroom when something stopped her. There was a box sitting in the middle of the room and stepping closer to it she saw it had his name, Teddy, scrawled across it. That thought repeated itself, maybe this was one of the things she needed to do to find closure.   
Heather dared to look through that box and the name across it didn’t hide anything. It was everything that had to do with Teddy and that’s when she looked at the photo again. After a moment, she slipped the photo into the box figuring that was where it belonged. Hidden away, with all the other memorabilia that kept Teddy here with her.   
“I was so sure you loved her…was I wrong? Or did I miss the signs too,” whispered Heather in that moment remembering the first time she had seen them together; they had looked so much in love.  
“If so, why did you leave?” thought Heather then as she stepped away from the box entering the bathroom to the saddest sight she had ever seen; Elizabeth was sitting on the tile of the shower just letting the water run down on her not saying a word. Elizabeth saw Heather out of the corner of her eye. She didn’t want to move; the warm water gave her comfort in that moment especially as Teddy still lingered there in her mind.   
“Go away,” thought Elizabeth in that moment seeing him still hoping that getting a divorce would be the beginning of the end when he would begin to fade. That word was right along with him. Divorce, she was getting a divorce, and thinking of the end of her married had her thinking of its beginning too. That moment, when they had said I do, and she had been so sure of him. Thinking of that made her feel like a fool now. She wasn’t the only one who thought of that day, that moment when they had been forever bound together. Teddy loved that memory, he loved thinking of her as they slipped the rings on their fingers, as they shared that sealing kiss, but most of all he just loved thinking of her. The way she had looked that day. Even after walking away from her, one thing he would never regret was saying those two words; I do. For him, it was a happy memory, but for Elizabeth, it was turning into her greatest regret. And just like so many moments between them it began with a lot of nerves.  
“Teddy…have you thought this through? Are you sure this is really what you want? To marry me?” Elizabeth had found herself saying to him through the bathroom door. She was getting dressed in her wedding dress, just a dress really, but because of what they were doing today, now, it was her wedding dress. Elizabeth had been so filled with nerves, with tension, and saying those words to him she revealed why. She was scared he was going to change his mind.   
“Believe me, darling, I’ve never thought something through this much. I know what I want and it’s you. Why, are you changing your mind? You’re still saying yes, aren’t you?” Teddy had whispered to her through the door making her smile. That was the last thing she would do. She was not going to change her mind, she loved him more then anyone she had ever met, and as she dressed she couldn’t wait for this day to be over. Then it would all be true, it would be real; they would be married. Teddy would be her husband and she would be his wife. His words reassured her. He wasn’t going to back out, they were getting married today, and that thought alone set a permanent smile upon her face. What he said had sent all her nerves away if even for a short time.  
“Of course I am, I just…I don’t want you to marry me, and come to regret it later. I love you and I want you to be sure,” Elizabeth had said as she applied her makeup.   
“How could I ever regret you, darling?” Teddy had answered looking at himself in the mirror as he finished tying his tie his eyes moving then to linger on the bathroom door.   
That day for their wedding, Teddy had worn his best suit because of all the days in his life, he knew this would be the most important day of his life. His suit was black from the dress shirt to the jacket and slacks. The tie was red, he had worn it for sentiments sake; it was the first gift Lizzy had ever given him. But when she let her nerves show with her words, Teddy forgot about his appearance. He looked at that door and focused solely on soothing those nerves in that moment. But when he tried to open it he quickly found it forced closed then locked.   
“Let me in, darling, this groom wants to see his bride,” whispered Teddy his hands braced on the door frame a smile on his face as he leaned his head against the door.   
“I’d love to, Teddy Bear, but I’m not ready. You’re not seeing me until I look perfect…besides it’s bad luck,” exclaimed Elizabeth her laugh following those words making him smile as he leaned against the door frame more.   
“Fine, Lizzy, fine, but you better not leave me waiting all day. Just listen, are you listening, my darling,” said Teddy through the door hearing as she leaned against it on the other side.   
“Yes,” said Elizabeth her voice barely a whisper. Elizabeth would always remember the nerves she felt that day. This was the one moment she never thought she’d have. She had never thought she’d fall in love let alone get married and yet here she was. She was getting dressed for her wedding day, she had met a man she had thought was the love of her life, and life seemed to be perfect. And it was perfect, before he ruined it. They both could agree on that. She had never dreamed he would ask her to marry him and that was why she was so afraid. What if he changed his mind after it was done? But pressing her ear against the wood of the door, she waited to hear his voice. When she did, it helped sooth her fears, it made her sure that more than anything, he wanted to marry her. Thinking of that moment now, Elizabeth thought it all another trick, but for Teddy, he didn’t regret marrying her. It was the best thing he had ever did because he had married the woman he loved.   
“Lizzy, darling…you are the only woman who has ever been more to me than some one-night stand. You were the first woman to show me what love truly is that is why I knew that you were the woman I wanted to marry. I want to spend my life with you doing whatever it is the future has us doing. The moment I laid eyes on you something told me that you would be different and you are. Because you’re the first woman I’ve ever really loved and I do. I love you, darling, and if I spend the rest of my life running from the crimes I committed before I met you, I only hope it will be with you running right along beside me. That’s the only way I want it to be, I’m not ever going to change my mind, so if you will please come out, I want to get you to the church on time. I want to be in front of that judge and married to you as soon as I can,” exclaimed Teddy hearing as she cried silently on the other side. After a moment he heard bustling around, he knew she was probably fixing the makeup that his words had ruined, and then he heard the lock click back. That was when the door started to open making him take a step back in anticipation for her to emerge. And then there she was.   
Teddy would always remembering take a breath when she came into view. It was like she really took his breath away and she did. As always, she was stunning, beautiful, gorgeous, magnificent, and with a step her way he let his eyes run over her. His Lizzy had always been the most stunning woman in his eyes, but on their wedding day, Teddy just couldn’t find the words. He only had one thought. Today was their wedding day, so after this day, it would be real; she would be his and him hers. His Lizzy had worn the traditional white though also via the tradition she had accents of blue on the sleeves and hem of her dress. It was the first dress he could ever remember seeing her in that went all the way to her ankles and it was covered in decorations of silk and lace. It was perfect for her, for what they were about to do. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. He let them run over her again and again and again from the top of her head to the blue strappy heeled sandals that adorned her feet. She wore her hair just the way he liked it too. In feathered curls that framed her face. And then looking into her eyes they shared a smile.   
“Don’t you make a picture,” Teddy had whispered in that moment pride radiating through him as he stepped forward until they were toe to toe.   
He was going to marry her, she was going to be his wife, and that thought had him taking her hands. At first, he just looked at her again not believing what they were about to do. Teddy then brought her hands to his lips kissing them repeatedly then her cheek before looking at her they shared a smile before he kissed those pretty ruby red lipstick lips. As they kissed, Teddy pulled her deep into his arms needing to feel her right there in the circle of them and when they parted they looked at each other. Teddy gave her that grin she would always associate with him and lifting her off her feet he kissed her again. This kiss was brief, slow and quick, as he kept her off her feet grinning still as he spun her around. When he did that she laughed a full belly laugh that he couldn’t help, but chuckle at as he set her back on her feet. Elizabeth would always remember feeling dizzy as her feet met the ground again. She could feel his hands at her sides steadying her as she met his gaze. After a moment, Elizabeth gingerly wrapped her arms around his neck, and their foreheads had touched as they shared a smile. Neither of them could believe this moment was happening.   
“You look ready to get married,” Elizabeth had exclaimed mid laugh knotting her hands behind his neck.   
“So, do you,” said Teddy molding his body to hers in that moment tenderly kissing her.   
“Let’s go get married,” whispered Teddy as their lips parted receiving a nod. When they walked out the door, Elizabeth’s nerves had been gone, but the closer they got to the court house the sooner they returned. But for a different reason this time. His arm around her the entire way there helped settle those nerves, but not enough. After all, what if someone recognized Teddy?   
“Teddy, wait,” said Elizabeth suddenly as they stood in front of the court house his steps faltering as he turned to face her.   
“Darling, we talked about this. Are you having seconds thoughts now? I love you…this is all I want,” said Teddy gently touching her cheek before taking her other hand. He kissed that hand using his other hand to pull her close again. After a moment, their eyes met as did their foreheads and Elizabeth felt that fear still there. That fear that someone would see him, recognize him, and she would lose him forever. After a moment, Elizabeth kissed him passionately her hands coming to grip the lapels of his suit. She hoped that assured him that she wasn’t backing out as she pulled away looking at him once more. All she wanted was to march into that court house and marry him, but that fear kept her from doing it. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to marry him that was all she wanted; it was that she didn’t want to lose him in the process.   
“All I want is to marry you, if that were the case, I wouldn’t have said yes. But what if it isn’t worth the risk. What if someone sees you or recognizes you then the cops will come, and they’ll take you away. I don’t want to lose you. I won’t lose you even if it means we can’t get married. Being married won’t matter if it leads to you being locked away,” Elizabeth had exclaimed a few stray tears leaking down her face. Teddy wrapped his arms around her in response bringing her as close as he could get her. Nothing was said between them then as he kissed her forehead then her lips and finally he took her face in his hands. That made her look at him as he dried those few tears that had escaped.   
“That isn’t going to happen, Lizzy, I’m right here…I’m not going anywhere. No one will know me and even if they do, it will be worth it if I get to marry you,” exclaimed Teddy gently pecking her on the lips.   
“Alright…let’s go get married,” whispered Elizabeth as that kiss ended letting him lead her into the court house the time seeming to fly before they stood in front of the judge. That was a moment neither of them would ever forget. They only paid attention to each other as the ceremony took place. The judge’s words had been only background noise as they waited for him to say what they knew was their cue to say I do. Even now they couldn’t remember those words only the things they said. And then it was their time to speak.   
“Theodore, do you take Elizabeth to be your wife? In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until death do you part?” whispered the judge his words echoing through the room. Teddy smiled when he asked him that, he thought it a silly question because there was only one answer he could give. One answer he wanted to give.   
“I do,” whispered Teddy immediately.   
“Elizabeth, do you take Theodore to be your husband? In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until death do you part?” said the judge.   
“Yes, I do,” said Elizabeth her heart beating fast as the moment when he would kiss her came closer. Everything else the judge said was forgotten in that moment as they both waited for him to say those words. That moment meant everything because then it would be real. They would be married, husband and wife. Teddy would always remember that moment as he held her hands waiting for the judge to say those words. He kept stroking his finger over the ring he had just put on her finger and he was preparing to pull her straight into his arms. And then finally he said it.   
“I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride,” said the judge. Elizabeth found herself in his arms in that moment his lips crashing down upon hers. In that moment, Elizabeth had thought it all real, she had been sure of it, but as the shower water turned cold still running down on her, she remembered now it was all fake. The tears came again then as she remembered that kiss, but also his words as they had walked into that court house. They had promised to be together until death did them part, but death hadn’t parted them. He had. That hurt her most of all as she remembered all the other promises he had made and broken that day.  
“I’m right here…I’m not going anywhere,” Teddy had whispered on that fateful day. But he wasn’t anymore that was when the water stopped running.   
Elizabeth found Heather helping her up from the ground her own tears mixing with the shower water. In that moment, she was grateful for her friend as she wrapped her in a towel, and with thoughts of him still running through her mind out of the bathroom to get dressed. This was the start of what she had thought their wedding day was. A new beginning. That day hadn’t been that, but today, the day she signed those divorce papers might be different. Elizabeth had a deep hope in her heart that they would be her true new beginning.   
“He isn’t here anymore…he left that was his choice, and now this is mine,” thought Elizabeth in that moment letting the image of him fade from her memory hoping it would stay away though not fully believing it would. This divorce was the choice she was making that would forever separate them. He had done it when they left and now she was doing it too. Elizabeth was making the choice to finally try to move on with her life and stop focusing solely on the pain his departure had left her in. She didn’t want to feel that pain, she never had; she wanted to feel happy again even if it was the neutral happiness that she had felt before she met him. It would be better than the pain and to Elizabeth that was enough. Maybe, she thought, all those choices, even his, would lead to no more pain, and to her happiness. That was her thought again, months later when the divorce papers were set in front of her.   
Bobby leaned over her in that moment and looking at him she already knew what was going to come out of his mouth.   
“Just sign them and it’ll all be over,” whispered Bobby placing the pen in her hand. Elizabeth looked at the blank spot where her signature went feeling her nerves begin to shake.  
“I’m doing the right thing,” thought Elizabeth as she signed her name on that blank space.   
“Good job, now your life can go back to the way it was before,” said Bobby before he left her alone with the lawyer as he put the papers in a big manila envelope to send off; when she slid something across the table the man looked up at her.   
“I need my husband to have this…could you include it with the papers, please. And please, don’t tell my brother…it wouldn’t make him very unhappy. It’s just a few last words to Theodore,” exclaimed Elizabeth standing as he took the envelope briefly looking at it before slipping it inside with the rest of the papers.   
“I am your lawyer, so anything said in this room is between us, so your brother need not know about this. I will make sure that envelope gets to him, you have my word,” whispered the lawyer receiving a nod in response as her thank you. Elizabeth felt numb as she walked out of his office. She had actually done it, signed the divorce papers, and now all that remained was for him to do the same. Things had changed since that day in the shower. This was still her choice, but it was no longer one she was sure about. But getting into her car, Elizabeth couldn’t deny that numbness. She only hoped it would fade. Teddy received the Manilla envelope nearly three weeks later. When it had been handed to him it had made him freeze just staring at it. When he had been hoping from a letter from her this was not what he had been expecting. That was why it took him a full day to open it. He didn’t have to look; he knew what they were. When he saw her signature at the bottom of the last page that was when he lost it throwing the papers across his cell.   
It wasn’t until that moment that he saw the white envelope fall out of the larger one in the same moment that Maytag entered the cell. T-Bag hurriedly picked it all up stuffing the envelope in his pants before hiding the papers in his pillow. He left for the yard then knowing Maytag wouldn’t dare touch what was his. He found himself walking along the fence line of the yard until reaching his benches, Teddy sat down pulling the envelope out. For a moment, he could just look at it seeing his name on the front in her handwriting before slowly tearing it open.   
When he pulled out the letter, it was heavier than it should have been that’s when something fell out nearly falling between his legs underneath the benches. It was the Teddy Bear necklace he had given her; the necklace that always meant she was his girl. It told him one thing that she didn’t think she was anymore. Just knowing she thought that made his heart throb as he put the necklace around his neck stuffing the pendent inside his shirt before unfolding her letter. Teddy noticed immediately that there were tear stains on the paper, she had cried as she wrote it, and to him that meant one thing; it showed him not just how much he had hurt her, but that some part of her still cared.   
Teddy,  
I am writing this to beg you to please sign the divorce papers. I know now that what I thought we had never really existed, it was just some sick joke you were playing on me, just a bunch of lies, and I know what you must be thinking. And you’re right, I’m nothing, but a stupid woman who dared to fall in love with someone who only pretended to love me back. That is why I need you to sign the papers because I don’t want to hurt anymore.   
Stop writing to me, forget about me, so I can forget about you. All those letter that I leave unopened do is remind me of the mistake I made by letting you do this to me. And I don’t think you even understand what you’ve done to me. Though, you’d probably think it funny, the pain you left behind for your stupid little wife.   
You’ve broken me, Teddy, I’m not as strong as I thought because even though I know our love meant nothing to you I can’t just forget you. You’re in my head all the time, all I ever do anymore is cry my eyes out over you, and I hope that makes you happy because you are the reason I will never be the same. You are the reason I no longer believe in love.   
My brother thinks divorcing you will help me move on and the truth is I don’t know. For me, it could go either way all I do know is I will never be the same because when you left, when I finally came to my senses, and realized you weren’t coming back I promised myself I was never going to be hurt like this again. If you should ever get out of prison, I don’t care if you come to see me because I am going to keep that promise. No one is ever going to hurt me like you have ever again especially not you all over again.   
Please just sign the papers, you’ve left your mark on me enough with all the pain you left being your wife still only makes it worse. It just brings all the questions that you left me with reeling through my mind. I won’t pretend to ever think I’m going to get any answers because no matter how I try I will never understand. Why did you do all of this? What was it all for, pretending to love me, making me fall in love with you, and all when you didn’t feel an ounce of it back? But no, you had to take it even farther than that. You married me. Why did you do that if you didn’t love me? Was it all part of your plan all along? If it was just another way to hurt me more, to cause me more pain, it worked because of you, I am in constant pain, crying myself to sleep at night with your memory breaking my heart every time I think of you.   
Part of me thinks that’s why I’m doing this, to try to end some of that pain, and stop questioning myself. I keep wondering why you left me even though I know none of it meant anything. I keep wondering what I could have done to make you stay, but that’s not the question that really makes me mad.  
When Jimmy told me about Susan Hollander, when he told me you loved her I had one thought. What was wrong with me? Why did you need to go searching for another woman? But more than that, what did that woman give you that I didn’t or couldn’t? I don’t expect you to give me an answer to any of those questions. I don’t expect to see you ever again.   
For the last time, all I ask of you is for you to sign the papers. Please, just sign them.  
Elizabeth  
As Teddy finished her letter, he found himself holding back tears. He could feel it all, the pain, the anger, and he had caused all of it. In a way, it took its toll on him, he had known he had hurt her, but only now did he realize how much. He had truly broken the woman he loved and rereading her letter he hated himself. But still he refused to sign those papers because this letter told him, so much more than how much he had hurt her.   
It told him that she still cared. She didn’t need to write him this letter, she wasn’t reading any of his, so why did she bother? Unless she still loved him. His Lizzy could have just sent him the papers, the fact that she took the time to write this, and cried as she did it said just how much she still loved him. It gave him the hope he’d been looking for even as it caused him pain because now he knew not all was lost with her. Stuffing her letter into his pocket, Teddy found himself on the phone, and when Jimmy answered he smiled.   
The call was quick, it didn’t last five minutes; Teddy just needed him to do him a favor. A favor that might get him his wife back before suddenly the time came and he was forced to return to his cell.   
“I’m so sorry, darling,” breathed Teddy rereading her letter. He couldn’t stop reading it, trying to imagine her pain as he tucked that letter away trying to sleep. That night, Teddy relived the greatest mistake he ever made.   
He had made love to her one last time that night. Teddy would always remember the way she fell into a coma like sleep. He had already planned to leave, he had decided it was the only other option because he knew she deserved better. His Lizzy deserved to not always be looking over her shoulder, to live her life without having to worry about cops busting down her door, and a life with him meant she couldn’t have that. That was why he left, but before he did as the night waned on he just watched her sleep.   
It would be the last time he ever did so. And then he had gotten up, gotten dressed, and packed doing one thing before he did.   
“I love you, darling,” Teddy had whispered before leaving her to sleep as he prepared to leave her. When he took his bag to the door, Teddy thought about just leaving, but that ring on his finger stopped him. He owed her more than that.  
That was how he found himself sitting next to her sleeping form on the bed. After a moment, Teddy looked at her, and that was when he removed his wedding ring for the first time since she put it on his finger. Looking at her, Teddy found he needed to kiss her one last time.  
“My sweet, sweet Lizzy” Teddy had whispered before touching his lips to hers for what would be the last time. Taking one last look at her, he stood up leaving his wedding band on the night stand for her to find.   
He would never forget walking out that door because now he knew it was the worst mistake he had ever made. With that thought, Teddy woke up jumping from his cot just before his cell door opened, and they were ushered into the yard. At first, he intended to walk the yard, but when he saw a group of guys lining the fence his curiosity was peeked.   
“What’s going on?” whispered T-Bag to one of his gang joining that group.   
“New fish,” he said simply before the bus door opened and new inmates started to file out.   
One pretty fish caught T-Bag’s attention right away and he didn’t know it, but that fish would only give him more hope than her letter already had. That fish would get him back to his Lizzy. That man’s name was Michael Scofield.


	7. Last Chance

Chapter 7

Elizabeth wasn’t there when the roses came, and Bobby wasn’t there to throw them away like he had done the ones from before. The ones that had come almost a month after Teddy had left, before the news had broken that Teddy had been captured. Elizabeth didn’t know about those that they were the same as the ones that sat on the bar now. She would remember them though because they were like the roses he gave her once when she had walked into the bar only to find him standing there. Bouquet in hand, he hadn’t given her a chance, but instead just snatched her up kissing her intently. They had only been married a week then. Elizabeth wasn’t there when they came, no one was there who knew to throw them away, so this time unlike before she would find them, see them, know who they were from. Elizabeth wasn’t prepared for the shock they would cause her when she walked into the bar. She was trying to move on with her life, to find some meaning in what was left of it, but mostly she was trying to forget. To pretend that Theodore Bagwell had never entered her life. But that wasn’t as easy as it sounded. In fact, it was currently a pain that ravished her heart every day. So, when she walked into the bar, Elizabeth stopped when her eyes landed on the flowers sitting on the bar, a red beauty among the brown that surrounded it. She didn’t need to ask, she knew who they were for, and who they were from.   
“Somebody sent you these lovely flowers,” her bartender gushed taking the flowers and setting them right in front of where she stood, but staring at them Elizabeth couldn’t move; something inside her told her that what she thought was over never would be. Teddy had wanted her to have them. For him, they were a symbol to her that what they had would never be over. Even he had thought leaving her meant what they shared was dead, but it wasn’t. They were madly in love and he realized he couldn’t deny that and neither could she. By sending her those flowers the first time, the ones she didn’t know about, Teddy had meant for them to be a goodbye, but these roses didn’t hold the same meaning. These were asking for forgiveness, these were a sigh that he loved her, that he would always love her, and this time he would make sure she knew that. That was why there was a letter attached to the flowers. A letter he made sure would get to her.   
“Please, let this be the one letter she opens,” Teddy had thought as he was sealing it with another letter to be sent to Jimmy who hopefully would get it to Lizzy. That was the whole reason for that phone call he made that day, the day Michael Scoffield arrived at Fox River. Jimmy was his eyes and ears on the outside; he was the only one who could tell him of his Lizzy and he was the only one who could get those flowers to her.   
“Hello…Jimmy? Can you hear me?” Teddy had said in a frantic whisper, his voice strained immediately putting his cousin on alert.   
“Teddy…you okay?” Jimmy had answered his focus completely drawn to the call.   
“Hell no, I’m not alright…Lizzy—my wife just served me with divorce papers. I need a favor…I can’t let this happen, Jimmy. I can’t lose her—I still got a chance to prove to her…to prove to her that I love her, but I need you to send her something. If you don’t do it I’m afraid I’ll lose her,” Teddy had whisper shouted leaning heavily against the phone his mask slipping for just a second, but luckily no one noticed.   
“You know where I keep my stash of cash…use some of it. I need you to send her roses, red roses, but they must be dark red. The darkest red you can get, and for god’s sake Jimmy, you must make sure she gets them. These flowers are important—they might be my last chance. I’m gonna send you a letter to put with them…wait until you get it, but please, Jimmy, make sure she gets them,” Teddy exclaimed picturing her in that moment as he had left her that morning. She had looked so peaceful. He pictured her like that in his mind sometimes, mostly because he didn’t like to think of her the way he had broken her. He hated himself for hurting her like he had. He knew these roses would make up for none of it, but he thought maybe they were the beginnings of an apology he would spend his life making to her. He was scared, he would never admit it, but he was. During his entire time in prison, Teddy had had one thing to hold onto. The dream that maybe someday he would get out of Fox River and go to her. That maybe someday she would forgive him, and they could begin as they were. But those divorce papers changed all of that. Now, he could really lose her, for good, and there was nothing he could do. He could lose her now and have no chance of getting her back. As he spoke, Jimmy was silent, it made Teddy even more uneasy.   
“Why are you so quiet…you better be paying attention,” Teddy’s voice had been dangerously low his anger flaring. It wouldn’t be out of character for his cousin to disregard everything he was saying, but now he really needed him to listen. This was the most important thing he had ever asked him to do. Jimmy hesitated, but then he said what no one had dared say.   
“Teddy…we’re family, you know I’ll stand by you, but I think you should just leave it alone. You haven’t seen her, man, Lizzy is a mess, and it’s kind of your fault. You left—you made that choice to leave, and you can say you love her all you want, but it might be too late. You fucked up, Teddy, and I think you should just let her be. It seems to me…Lizzy’s trying to move on—maybe you should let her…I mean, chances are you’re never getting out. Do you really want her waiting her entire life for you?” Jimmy was talking sense, Teddy knew that, but he wouldn’t let himself hear it. Lizzy was his girl, he loved her with all his heart, and he couldn’t let her go. So, instead of listening to what his cousin was saying, Teddy only got mad.   
“No, I’m gonna get her back, and then…I’ll spend the rest of my life making this up to her. And she won’t be waiting for me…I will get out of here, Jimmy, so stop trying to talk about things you know nothing about. Just do as I tell you,” Teddy’s voice got louder then he wanted in that moment and he didn’t even let his cousin respond choosing simply to hang up on him with that last order given. And now, here they were, those same flowers sitting, waiting, for her on the bar.   
Elizabeth knew who they were from, but still she pretended not to as the patrons admired the pretty red roses. She pretended to smile, to faun over them, but none of it reached her eyes. They represented him, her husband, the man who had left her only to stumble into another woman’s bed. When everyone was done talking about them and their attention was returned to their beers, Elizabeth took them to her apartment. She wasn’t even sure what she was going to do with them, but as she came face to face with the letter they came with her smile fell. She was curious to see what he had to say even as she planned to throw it with all the rest. They were from him, another trick.   
“Not again,” Elizabeth found herself saying as she set them on her kitchen counter deciding to take a moment to look at them before her hands found her face and her sobs broke free. It was supposed to be over, signing those papers had made her believe that, but now, she wasn’t so sure it would ever be over.   
She was supposed to be getting over Theodore Bagwell.   
“Why can’t he just let me go? He doesn’t love me…why torture me this way?” Elizabeth let those questions run through her head as the sobs left her throat. Teddy was haunting her in more ways than she realized, he was holding onto her like he was her property, and Elizabeth didn’t know what more she could do. If filing for divorce wasn’t the answer, then what was? As that question entered her mind, Elizabeth ran her hands over her face her eyes watching the letter as if expecting it to attack her. It didn’t, but still she found herself watching it, unable to take her eyes off it. His name for her, Lizzy, was scrawled across the top of the letter. Each letter was precise and looked like it had been carefully left there on the envelope. It wasn’t the chicken scratch elegance that she remembered from him. It instead reminded her of the way he had signed his name on their wedding day, so neatly, so careful not to make a mistake; it was like he actually cared. Ripping it from the bouquet, she stared at it before walking in a quick motion to her bedroom. Elizabeth wanted to throw it with all the others, but something stopped her. At first, she didn’t know what it was, so she stared at the letter then at all the others that had come before it. Should she open it? If she did, did that mean she should open all of them? She didn’t know. All she did know was that she felt lost, as lost as she had felt when he first left, she had thought she was over that, that she was moving on from him, but looking at that letter she thought that maybe she was just kidding herself. Maybe she would never be over him. Maybe what they had would never be over just buried away somewhere until she was numb to the pain.   
“What if this is his cruel way of returning the divorce papers?” Elizabeth thought the thought hanging in the air. Before she even realized what, she was doing, Elizabeth found herself breaking the seal, and removing the letter from its envelope. For a moment, she stared at the words, not reading them. What would he have to say? Would he give her answers? Would he mock her and make fun of her for being so stupid? Was this his way of breaking her again? A part of her didn’t want to find out, but then another thought moved her forward. What if now in this moment, she could finally get the answers she needed or worse, what if it only gave her more questions. And then she couldn’t stop herself, she just started to read. As she did, she sat heavily on her bed finding that she couldn’t stand. As she read, she heard his voice in her head reading to her each word, and Elizabeth couldn’t help thinking that he still made her weak at the knees.   
My Darling Lizzy,  
The answer is no. I won’t give you a divorce, I won’t sign our love away because despite what has happened, and what you might think I still love you. I don’t think you want a divorce, you said your brother’s making you do this, that you think it will take away the pain, but it won’t because it’s not what you want. I’m sorry for causing you that pain, if I could go back I’d do things differently, but I can’t. We all make our mistakes, leaving you was mine. I understand if you don’t believe that, I shouldn’t have left you the way I did. Please, believe me though, when I say it is my greatest mistake, and all I want is to have the chance to prove to you that our love is still alive. That I still love you and that I will until death do us part. That is the vow I took that day, our wedding day, and I will keep that vow even if I lose you. Always know that I will love you for the rest of my life whether I’m behind bars or not.   
Though I know it will not make anything better, I think you should know why I left. It wasn’t because of you, it wasn’t because I no longer loved you, but because I did love you that I left. I honestly thought you’d be better off without me. I know that’s said all the time, but it’s true. I was a criminal on the run and though you knew that and though you respected it and loved me anyway, I couldn’t let you suffer for it. I knew you wouldn’t be happy living a life on the run, so I thought I was doing what was best for you. Because I loved you. I still love you and thinking of you is what’s keeping me sane in here. I thought I was saving you from a life of misery, from a life of you suffering because you would have had to live a life on the run with me. You loved me, so I knew you’d never tell me when the time came that you were unhappy. You would have bared it, you would have been strong because that’s who you were, but I couldn’t let you be unhappy for me. So, I did what I thought was my only option, I left.   
I can’t explain away any of it, I can only continue to hope that someday you forgive me. Because I mean every word when I say I love you. That love is proven by the many letters I send you. The ones you leave unopened. I wish you’d read them. Read them, see how much I love you, see that I’m always thinking of you. I will never stop sending them because they are a sign of my love. With each one I send I send you a piece of me, of my heart, and if you read them you will see that.   
In your letter, you spoke of the many questions that you have. Questions that deserve an answer, but I won’t answer them in this letter or any letter to come. You deserve more than that, more than a letter with a bunch of explanations. Someday, I hope we will meet again, that I’ll be able to sit across from you, and give you all the answers. I keep hoping to get a visit from you, but it hasn’t happened yet. If you do I will answer all those questions, I promise. But if you don’t I’ll understand though I’ll never lose hope. Just please, remember that I love you, Believe that again. I love you more than any man has ever loved a woman. And I always will. Believe that then throw those damn papers away because we don’t need them. You and I are forever. When I see you again I’ll prove it to you? All we need is each other and the love we share. I love you, remember that, remember what we once had, and what we will have again.   
All my love  
Your Teddy  
X  
Staring at his words, Elizabeth found herself flinging the paper across the room. Part of her actually wanted to believe him. That made her feel so stupid. She was falling for his tricks again. She was letting him manipulate her again. Elizabeth had thought she was smarter now, but maybe when it came to him, she wasn’t smart at all. Maybe when it came to Teddy her brain went out the window and she followed her heart. Her heart that was so easily fooled. Her heart that still loved him as much as the day she had met him. Her heart that wanted so badly to believe that he had loved her all this time and still loved her today. Her heart is what made her cry in that moment because Elizabeth honestly didn’t know what to do. She was scared, scared of getting hurt again, scared of making that choice to believe that the words in his letter were true or not. Elizabeth just didn’t know what to do. Leaving the letter where she had flung it, Elizabeth nearly ran to the kitchen stopping in front of the flowers. They were beautiful and, yet she couldn’t see them that way because all she could see was the pain he had branded into her. Slowly, she gripped the vase the flowers sat in, and with one last look she threw them away. The crash of the glass hung in the silence of the air and in that moment, she made her final decision. He wouldn’t do this again, she wouldn’t let him.   
“I’m not getting hurt again. I’m not letting him say no…somehow, he will sign those papers,” Elizabeth’s thoughts were final in that moment as her pain and the past that caused it ran like a film along with them. Elizabeth thought this was just another trick, what she didn’t realize was that it wasn’t. Every word, every I love you was as true as she wanted them to be deep down. But Teddy didn’t realize something. That he had hurt her in a way that couldn’t be undone and because of that Elizabeth couldn’t trust the words in that letter. Elizabeth was afraid, afraid of getting hurt again.


	8. I love yous

Chapter 8

After reading that letter, Elizabeth found that Teddy was on her mind more than ever. She found herself rereading it, looking for hidden meanings, for the tricks she was sure he had hiding in his words, but she couldn’t find any. He just kept saying how much he still love her, that he always had, and she almost believed him. She wanted to believe him, if only everything that happened before wasn’t blocking that belief within her heart.  
“He can’t be genuine, if he was, if he loved me at all or ever did, nothing should have made him leave me. He should have taken me with him,” thought Elizabeth after each reading of the letter her heart going to pieces each time. She just didn’t see how she could believe him. After all he had done, the pain he had caused; that was why she was determined to get him to sign the papers. Elizabeth wanted a divorce, now because she wanted to be free of him once and for all. His letter only strengthened her resolve. How could he have loved her at all ever and walked away like that? How could he say he loved her now and not sign the papers? If he loved her, she thought, he would want her to be happy; he would want her to start again and move on. But those weren’t her only reasons. There were others, things that happened now that they were parted, and before he even left. He knew those things and he understood those things yet still Teddy refused to let her go. The words I love you had been on both their minds, not just its meaning, but the first time they each said it. They both had different thoughts on it. Teddy laid in his cell most nights now, thinking, wondering, hoping, she had opened that letter, wondering if she believed it, if she knew he loved her; she wouldn’t leave his mind more than ever. Most of all he couldn’t help thinking of the moment when he had realized that he had fallen for her.  
“I did love him. I do love him,” Elizabeth found that thought ravaging her brain a lot mostly because that was the one emotion that wouldn’t go away. They both could remember the first time they both said I love you, both finding it came out of nowhere. Teddy would never forget the way she looked that morning, her hair a messy pile on her head, her smooth legs bare as his eyes ran up the scale of them to her ass visions of the night before accompanying him as he entered the room without her notice. His chest was bare, she wore only his shirt as she hummed to herself as eggs, toast, and sausage cooked on the stove. Gently, his hands moved up the shirt to her stomach as his lips moved to kiss her cheek drawing her back against him.  
“You might just kill me with your energy…don’t you ever get tired or need a break or something?” Elizabeth had asked laughing as his hands tickled the skin of her stomach his body warm against hers. Teddy would always remember that laugh, the way she had roared with laughter when he spun her around.  
“No darling…how could I ever get tired with you around. Beautiful, enticing, wonderfully sexy you. I’d be crazy,” Teddy had said it with sincerity in his eyes his hands strong as they grazed her skin as they lifted her then carried her to the counter where he set her down wrapping her legs around his waist as his eyes moved slowly over her. Teddy had crashed his lips down on hers a growl leaving him as she clutched his upper back.  
“Breakfast is going to burn…I don’t think you want to eat it that way,” Lizzy’s voice had washed over him her breathing heavy. He shook his head in response glancing at her face before covering her neck with kisses with a growl coming straight from his chest. He could care less; he would have her for breakfast.  
“Fuck breakfast, I want something better,” Teddy had chuckled as he said it into the skin of her breasts his lips teasing a nipple through his shirt. Elizabeth had found herself laughing too as she pulled those same lips back to kiss her. They looked at each other then sharing a smile before he kissed her again. First on the lips, then the cheek, the throat, and finally the lips again their eyes locking in happiness. He had looked at her then and the look in her eyes would always be with him in the back of his mind. Those beautiful full blown green orbs, so tempted to follow him everywhere, but never daring to.  
“You’re more important to me then anything on that stove. My sweet, sweet Lizzy,” whispered Teddy his grin enticing as he looked down at her.  
“And I was stupid enough to fall for his cheesy lines,” Elizabeth would often think now when she remembered that day.  
She had been so deep under his spell already, she had just let him do as he pleased, and said what in her heart had been true.  
“Teddy…I love you. You don’t have to say it back…I just…wanted you to know,” Elizabeth had felt so embarrassed after the words tumbled from her mouth. She sounded so scared, so timid, she sounded like everything she didn’t want to be, and worse, she sounded that way in front of him. She looked at him awaiting his reaction, but there was none. Teddy had just looked at her his thoughts deep inside his head. Part of her wondered for a moment, if he had heard her.  
“You should have said it back,” Teddy often thought that now when he was replaying this moment in his mind. It had been different then though, he recognized that as he thought about that day. He hadn’t realized it yet, but he was in love with her. He hadn’t known what he was feeling, he had been so confused, so scared, but most of all so unsure. All those emotions had been on his face that day as he looked upon her and her, him. Elizabeth had been relieved to see those emotions on his face. They meant that there was a chance the love in their relationship wasn’t one sided. Teddy didn’t know what to say. He finally decided to not say anything at all, hoping maybe he could shrug it off, but in the end, he did much more then that. Looking back at it, Teddy realized he showed her that he loved her that day instead of actually saying the words.  
Teddy had wanted to be sure that that was how he felt. He couldn’t do as he’d done, tell her just to tell her; for some reason Lizzy was different. Teddy knew now that it was because he loved her, he just hadn’t known it at the time. Now, as he sat in a cell, Teddy wished he had realized sooner that he loved her, that he had fallen deeply in love with her. He looked back at his many memories with her and he could see that he had been in love. That was why he couldn’t let her go, why he was determined to fight for her because he had made a mistake, and he needed to make up for that. To prove to her again that he loved her and would no matter what barriers they ran into. On that counter that day, Teddy had just kissed her again, and Elizabeth had accepted that.  
She had let herself fall into his arms and kissing him right back, she let the fact he didn’t say it leave her mind.  
“I should have said it back,” Teddy would always think especially when he saw those eyes of hers staring back at him from inside his head. He regretted not saying it because it would have been better then the way he actually did. They both thought of that a lot too.  
“Only when I came so close to losing her did I find the courage to say it,” Teddy remembered more memories flashing through his mind, memories that had happened a few weeks after those words left her own mouth, an unexpected event that had started with a simple trip to the store.  
Walking around the store, Elizabeth would always remember the day she finally found out who she was dating. She had been looking at flyers hung on the bulletin board at the store when one caught her eye. This was because Teddy’s face was on it. It was a wanted poster. That was how she found out he was wanted for rape, but not just any kind of rape, the rape of children. That was how she found out he was a criminal, that he was someone she didn’t know, and right there in the store she started questioning everything. She started questioning just who she had fallen in love with. Denial had been the first emotion to take over her senses. She had tried to say it was just someone that looked like him, but it was too close a resemblance. She had stared at the photo for so long that she was sure. It was him, the man on the flyer was her Teddy Bear, and nearly dropping her basket, she ran out of the store. It was Teddy. Running to her car with the flyer in hand, Elizabeth drove back to the bar in a daze. She wanted to cry, to burst into tears, but she held herself together. She just couldn’t believe it; the man she loved was a criminal, a rapist, and a pedophile. And she didn’t know what she was going to do. She loved him, but she couldn’t let him stay in her life. As far as she was concerned, everything she knew was a lie, but that begged the question of how she would get him to leave, she doubted he would go willingly.  
She felt like she couldn’t breathe, like everything she knew had been a lie. Now, she didn’t know what was real.  
“Was anything he told me the truth?” Elizabeth remembered asking herself as she drove. Those questions stopped though when she saw him.  
“Who is he really?” Elizabeth remembered that question echoing in her head when she stepped into the bar only to find him sitting at the bar and watching him, she knew he was waiting for her.  
That moment stood out in both their minds. He had turned on his bar stool to find her staring at him and though it wasn’t the first time she had done so, something was different. He saw that immediately. She looked somewhere between screaming and crying. Sometimes, as he lay in his cell at night, Teddy wondered if that same look had been on her face that morning when she’d woken up alone.  
“Lizzy? Darling, something wrong?” Teddy’s voice had been normal, but in that moment, it had seemed so loud to her. It was like he was screaming and jumping, she tried to look at him, but found she couldn’t. He moved towards her, but she moved away nearly running away. She looked scared of him as she ran out of the bar.  
“Honey?” Teddy remembered calling after her following her. He got to the stairs just in time to see her running up them. He followed her and suddenly as he did a black feeling began to curl in the pit of his stomach. Something was wrong, something terrible, and with each step he had a bad feeling as to what that something was. Teddy caught the door just before it closed. He saw her throw something into the corner as she ran into the bedroom closing the door with a slam. Teddy wondered sometimes if she still had that wanted poster, if it was tucked away somewhere only she knew?  
He found the door locked and that was when he noticed the crumpled piece of paper she had thrown on the floor. Picking it up, he found himself looking down at his own picture.  
“She knows,” the thought ran through Teddy’s mind along with other thoughts; in that moment he wondered what she could possibly be thinking, and the possibilities pained him. Teddy let his mind wonder in that moment, as his feet paced the room endlessly trying to think of what to say or how to explain. How could he possibly explain this to her? And then another reality entered his mind. This would be the day he lost her. That was when the realization came upon him. That was when the reality of what happened, what was happening; he was losing her. It was then that he thought it for the first time.  
“I love her,” Teddy had thought it unexpectedly and now, as he stood there, he wondered if he was going to lose her, and if telling her how he felt would change that.  
“Lizzy?” Teddy said her name slowly, testing the waters, being careful as he thought everything he did through before he did it. He moved carefully to lean against the door hearing her on the other side faintly crying. Sighing, he closed his eyes not sure where to begin or what to say to avoid the inevitable. He placed his hands against the wood and faintly, he could hear her breathing, crying, and again he wondered what was going through her mind.  
“Sweetheart?” Teddy had begun to speak with a trembling voice waiting to hear if she would tell him to go away or to get out before she called the police, but nothing came, only silence.  
“Lizzy, please hear me out. I don’t know what your thinking right now, I can only think that your disgusted with me now that you know what I’ve done. I don’t expect you to believe me when I say I’m a changed man, but I am. I’m not the person that did those horrible things,” Teddy whispered desperately to her on the other side. He hoped to get some sort of response, but the silence remained. He could only hear her crying still on the other side and leaning closer he cursed himself for causing those tears. He should have told her sooner after all this was bound to happen. She shouldn’t have found out this way.  
“I was that man, when I walked into your bar the first time, I was that man when I first laid eyes on you, but I have changed. I’ll admit to planning terrible things when I first saw you, but you stopped that. You caught me looking at you, you forced those thoughts from my head, and began to change me,” Teddy said it all so sincerely, he wondered though, was she hearing any of it. Elizabeth remembered that day, on the other side of the wall crying. She was listening, she listened to every word, and on that day, she had wanted to believe him so badly that she had been blinded to what she now thought were a bunch of lies. On that day, she had wanted nothing more then to forget she saw that flyer, but as more tears came, and his words came through the wood of the door, she didn’t know how to forget what she now knew about him. That is what kept her on the floor, her knees gathered around her, as his voice came to fill her ears from outside. How could she ever forget the crimes he had committed and continue to love him?  
“I shouldn’t have believed him,” Elizabeth would often think in the middle of the night as she cried over him for what felt like the millionth time. She thought she should have thrown him out and forgotten about him that day. Sometimes, she wished she had.  
“You are one hell of a woman; do you know that? Only you could have turned me from a scoundrel into a real man. A man capable of loving a woman the right way. You have taught me so much, my sweet, sweet Lizzy, and even if you make me walk out the door now, I will never forget. And if you do, I’ll understand because I don’t deserve you. You’re too good for me. You are one in a million and that is why I love you so much. I didn’t realize it until right now because the thought of losing you has me scared to death right now, darling. I love you and I only hope you can see past this and that you’ll still have me,” exclaimed Teddy his voice cracking as he said the words he hadn’t before when they had left her lips. Elizabeth began to cry harder on the other side of the door because of his words. She still loved him even as she knew what she knew and breathing heavy, Elizabeth reached for the door knob. She would regret doing so, but she did love him. And despite knowing what she knew, she would keep him, have him, and love him. She would find a way to see past this and still have him exactly as he was.  
“I love you, darling, I mean that,” Teddy’s final words had come just as she rose from the floor ready to open the door hearing as he walked away from it.  
“Lizzy, I love you,” Teddy had finally said it and hearing that is what made her open the door.  
“Lizzy?” Teddy had whispered her name when she came into view his eyes running over her tear stained face as he waited to see what she would say.  
“How do I know you mean that? How do I know you’re not just telling me, you love me to string me along? Why should I trust anything you say…for all I know everything between us has been a lie?” exclaimed Elizabeth more tears running down her face her whole body shaking. Elizabeth remembered feeling small compared to him in that moment. She hadn’t known what to expect from him. They stood there together in the silence staring at each other neither of them knowing what to expect from the other. Her words hurt more then he thought they would, but he approached her in response. He expected her to run from him when he approached, but she didn’t move. She even let him take both her hands to lead her to the couch. It gave him hope that all was not lost with them.  
“Maybe I should have left her then…I might have caused her less pain,” Teddy thought sometimes when he thought back on that moment when they had sat on that couch. He had unknowingly made a promise to her, a promise he had broken just like all the rest. For he had kneeled, he had given himself to her completely, and they both would never forget the moment that he did. It made her think that his declaration had been true; he did love her.  
“I’d still be the man I was if I hadn’t laid eyes on you. Part of that man is still inside me, Lizzy, but the part that loves you keeps me from being that person completely. I know you must be worried, but you don’t have to be. Because I love you and I would rather die then hurt you. I would never lay a hand on you…if I was capable of that don’t you think I would have done it already? I love you so much,” Teddy had said it all with such feeling that at the time she was sure he had to be telling the truth. He had kissed her hands then and looked deeply into her eyes. There was so much emotion there and that emotion had made her believe him. And then he had held her so close burying his head in the fabric of her skirt. Elizabeth was won over in that moment, she loved him, and looking at him she knew he loved her, so she knew she couldn’t throw him out of her life. She would just have to learn to live with what she knew now.  
“Teddy?” his name had been so low on her lips, but he didn’t look up seeming to only hold her closer; he didn’t look at her until gently her fingers touched the side of his face. Only then did he dare look up. Teddy still remembered her pretty face on that day, he hadn’t known what to expect from her, but when he saw more tears moving down her cheeks he sat up straighter. He didn’t know if those tears were a good thing or a bad thing.  
It was then he sat by her side still surprised as she gathered herself around him almost wanting to be close to him. Teddy remembered wanting to cup her face in his hands, but hesitating. He wasn’t sure if he could do that anymore. After a moment though, he gently removed the tears from her face thinking silently that even when she cried she was beautiful. It was as he was doing this that she looked him in the eye and Teddy suddenly felt like he was being sized up. It was like she was trying to see if the man she had known was still in him and in fact, that’s exactly what she was doing.  
“I still love you. I feel crazy for it, but I do. After what I found out today, I’m not sure I know you anymore or if I should want to. I should want you as far from me as I can get you, but I don’t. I love you and now I don’t know what to do about it,” Elizabeth had just said what was on her mind feeling so unsure of it as she said it. She hadn’t even planned to say it, now, after all that had happened, she wished she hadn’t. She felt like it had given him the opportunity to not just hurt her more, but lie to her. Teddy could only remember feeling relief, a chuckle leaving his throat as he held her close; now Elizabeth thought that laugh had been a sign, that it was all an act. She looked back on the fact that she had missed the opportunity to get him out of her life as a moment when she was being stupid. For that was all she could think when she looked back on their time together anymore. That she had been so very stupid to have let him keep stringing her along.  
“I think the only thing you can do is follow your heart. I love you and you love me; if we want each other, let’s have each other. I promise you that I am a changed man and will never hurt you, darling. I only ask that you give me a chance,” Teddy had said it all very slowly or at least it sounded that way to her. After a moment, he had kissed her cheek watching closely for her reaction; her cheeks turned dark red just like always. Teddy had always loved the effect he had on her. She leaned into his touch as he did so again and even closer as he continued over her neck. Gently, he continued until her breathing quickened, and sighing she made him look at her again. A silence surrounded them, and Teddy rode it out as he waited to hear what she would say.  
“Are you going to throw me out or do you still love me? Tell me now and I promise, darling, I’ll go with no argument,” Teddy hated saying those words, but he needed her to know exactly what he was thinking. He couldn’t keep sitting there in suspense, he needed to know what she was going to do. Late at night, in his cell, Teddy wished he could see her, to do as they had then, and talk it out with her. If they did, maybe, they could fall in love again, but he always followed that thought with the thought that that was never going to happen. Elizabeth would always regret her answer that day even as it was still true. She had looked up at him, as if studying him, and slowly she had nodded her head.  
“I love you,” Elizabeth would always remember how he smiled when she said it. For so long, she had thought it genuine. Now though, as she remembered the kiss they shared, she just felt stupid.


	9. Alone

Chapter 9

Michael Scofield changed everything from the moment he stepped into Fox River, T-Bag just didn’t know it yet. T-Bag wouldn’t know it for a long time, but Scofield would provide him with a new hope. Suddenly seeing his wife again was a possibility, seeing Lizzy could happen, and though it would take longer then he wanted, it would become a reality. It was a long time before he knew it though. At first sight, Teddy thought Michael as just a pretty little thing, not as pretty as his Lizzy, but pretty for prison standards. He hadn’t thought he’d be the trouble that he turned out to be at first or that he could hurt anyone. He had quickly been proven wrong.   
“I’m coming for you, pretty,” Teddy remembered those words well because once he had a vendetta, he paid it in full, and when Scofield killed Maytag, Teddy became determined to kill him though he would be glad he didn’t later. In that moment though, Teddy had only been angry because though Maytag hadn’t been much, he had been companionship in these dark walls. For suddenly, prison got very lonely. Maytag hadn’t been Lizzy, but he had been better than nothing. After spending those first few nights alone in his cell, Teddy realized just how lonely prison could be. That lonesome feeling made him think of her. Of the one person he wanted more then anything else, who he thought of more then anything else while behind those prison walls, and thinking of her, his heart hurt more then he had ever imagined it would. Lizzy was on his mind, in his heart, and his fear suddenly seemed to be weighing him down. He was never going to see her again, never again kiss her pink lips, and never wake up to her green eyes watching him. Laying in his cell, alone, Teddy could no longer suppress all he was feeling; the fear, the longing for her hit him like an avalanche, and for once he didn’t try to stop it.  
“Why did I ever leave her? Sure, I might have gotten caught eventually, but at least it wouldn’t be like this. At least, she would know I still love her, she would come see me. At least, I could see her. Why did I leave…all it did was ruin everything,” Teddy screamed at himself, angry with himself as much as he was angry with Scofield, because all the mistakes, everything that had happened between him and Lizzy were completely his doing, and he knew it, he had known it all this time that’s why he was so sure sometimes that he was never going to see her again? He was in prison, he was alone, nobody wanted anything to do with him, not even his own wife, and then her image was in his mind just as it was all the time.   
“Teddy,” her voice sounded in his head and at the sound of it, Teddy closed his eyes just focusing on her beautiful image as he laid in the darkness of his cell the first of many tears staining his eyes.  
“My sweet, sweet Lizzy,” Teddy whispered it aloud small strands of wetness running down his cheeks as he stared at her from within his head; he had never cried while in Fox River, but laying there for once T-Bag didn’t care because he knew this would be the first and last time he did so and that no one would ever know he’d done it.   
“Is this what she does every night? Is this the pain she walks around with every day, the pain she wrote of in her letter,” Teddy wondered as he placed his hand over his heart feeling as it beat beneath his skin. He knew that it was, and his heart ached more. Silently crying more, Teddy kept his eyes closed still seeing her, and picturing her in the bed they once shared, he could see her crying just as he was now. That image made his guilt grow and suddenly he understood way too well why she didn’t believe he loved her anymore. If she was feeling the pain he felt in that moment, he knew he wouldn’t have believed either.   
“I’m so sorry, darling,” whispered Teddy opening his eyes her face still clear as day in his mind.   
“I wish I could see her, tell her, convince her that what we had was real…that it’s still real,” Teddy thought looking into her green eyes from within his head.   
He knew the pain he was feeling was the same she felt. He knew it and hated that he had caused that pain and thinking of her he thought of what he would do if he ever laid eyes on her again. How he would kiss her, get down on his knees, and wrap his arms around her to beg for forgiveness. Teddy wanted to prove to her that he loved her, that he always would love her, but he knew he had to prove that to her. He had to show her that he was madly in love with her, that if she gave him the chance he would spend the rest of his days trying to make up for the pain he’d caused, and he would love her, only love her for as long as she would have him. All of it went through his mind and as it did he wondered what she was doing in that moment. He hoped she wasn’t crying over him that was the last thing he wanted. Elizabeth was thinking of him, but she wasn’t in bed, she wasn’t crying yet, and she most certainly wasn’t sleeping. She had started the night by trying desperately not to think of him, but that was proving as hard as ever. She couldn’t stop thinking of him and after all that had happened, Elizabeth honestly just wanted this time in her life to be over.   
“If this moment proves anything it is that no one should ever get married. All it does is cause heartbreak,” thought Elizabeth sitting in the semidarkness of her bar after closing drinking and drinking without any plan on stopping.   
“I married a man…look what it got me…all he did was leave me here, alone, and with nothing, but a bunch of endless questions,” whispered Elizabeth her words coming out of her mouth without her meaning them to her eyes once more reading Teddy’s letter his image appearing as each word ran through her brain again once again leaving her confused and desperately in need of a drink. So, she had had one then another, and another after that.   
She had hoped that it would make the image of him in her mind go away, but it seemed only to make it stronger. This was turning into their pattern, they just didn’t know it. As Teddy lay in a cell thinking of her, she was somewhere doing the same, and they always seemed to be for completely different reasons. For him, because he desperately missed her. For her, because she desperately missed him. They were still completely in love with each other problem was while one was trying to prove it to the other, another was denying it every time he crossed her mind. Only when they saw each other again, maybe then, they would realize. Until then, they were thinking of each other. Elizabeth because of the day she’d spent with her lawyer and Teddy because of the thoughts going through his mind.   
“I love you,” Teddy would always remember how she repeated those words. And yet still he hadn’t believed her. He didn’t know why exactly, maybe because he was paranoid, but when she first told him that he still felt skeptical. But then she had said yes to marrying him then he knew she meant it. That day on the couch, Teddy remembered feeling relief when she said she loved him, he wasn’t going to lose her, but when she said she would marry him he felt something different. He felt happy because she would be his, his girl, his love, his wife, and then he went and ruined it, so she no longer believed him. It was those two moments that were going through his mind and thinking of her still, Teddy had another thought. When he had married her, he had never considered leaving her, and then he had. That was the worst mistake he had ever made, he thought that every time he thought of that I love you. He had been so afraid that day of losing her and, yet he had anyway, all because of his own actions.   
In that moment though, he had just been relieved that he wasn’t losing her, and kissing her he held her. Teddy would never forget how she cried in his arms her hands on his chest. Lizzy had been crying so bad after that. Crying, and it took him the longest time to get her to stop and to understand the mouthfuls of words she was saying as she did it. But finally he did; he would never forget those words. Teddy remembered wiping the tears from her face and the look in her eyes when she calmed down. After that her words had been clear. Clear as day and yet, he had hurt her all the same. That was why those words haunted him now.   
“I have this bad feeling deep down inside that you’re going to hurt me, but I love you anyway. That’s why I’m not throwing you out, why I’m letting you stay, but Teddy…please don’t prove me right. Don’t hurt me, please,” Lizzy had refused to look at him for a long time after that, but finally tilting her chin forward, Teddy focused on those green eyes of hers.   
At first, those words had made him question her last ones, but when she looked at him. Her eyes had held the full meaning of her words before she had had to speak again.   
“My heart is yours…I love you so much, Teddy…all I ask is that you please don’t hurt me. Please, don’t make me regret this, loving you, because I do, I do love you,” Lizzy’s words had been low, but rushed. Her meaning had been completely clear and pulling her closer, Teddy had kissed her forehead her name a breath she didn’t hear. He had promised silently not to hurt her and in the end, he hadn’t just hurt her, he had broken her, and it haunted him. Laying in his cell, it pained him in a way that couldn’t be described especially when he thought of what he had said to her next.  
“Don’t you worry, darling, your Teddy bear is right here with you, and I promise you, I would never hurt you. You mean the world to me…you are everything to me. The last thing I would ever do is hurt you,” Teddy could still taste the words on his tongue, he could remember being sincere when he said that never imagining what the future would hold for them. Teddy’s tears came harder as he remembered that moment. He was crying just like she had been only quieter and covering his eyes with his hand, Teddy felt his guilt pounding like blood in his heart. He had done all those things he said he wouldn’t. He had broken her, hurt her, and all he had ever wanted to do was love her.   
It was yet another moment when he had lied to her, when he had broken a promise to her, and he could understand when looking back at moments like that why she thought none of it was real. Elizabeth always thought of those two moments. They always brought her the most pain because once she had thought them living proof that he loved her. Now, they knew they were only more proof that what they had had actually been nothing at all, and as she thought of those moments now, Elizabeth felt tears prickling her green eyes. She felt pain radiating through her body; it was a pain that only Jack Daniels could sooth. The problem was Jack Daniels didn’t help much anymore. Elizabeth was starting to realize that as she finished another drink slamming it down before her hands covered her face. She didn’t know what to do anymore. She had a heart that loved a man that didn’t love her back. She had a head that wanted her desperately to get a divorce; a divorce she didn’t want deep down. And between the two, Elizabeth didn’t know what to do. She loved him. Elizabeth knew that deep down inside no matter what she did that she would always love him, but every time she remembered that he didn’t feel the same, the pain she felt was unbearable. She didn’t want to walk around with it anymore, but silently she wondered if getting a divorce would help anything. Elizabeth knew that if she did get a divorce, that love wouldn’t go away, and neither would that pain. She somehow knew despite trying to deny it that she would always love him, always be madly in love with him, and she knew there was nothing she could do about it. Despite everything that had happened between them, she still loved him, but her head kept reminding her that loving him would only cause her more pain.   
“Everything in that letter is nothing, but a lie,” the thought ran through her mind the same as the words in his letter the pain that had developed since he left throbbing to prove her point. After all, she had spent more time crying over him then loving him. With that thought, Elizabeth poured herself another drink thinking again of what she had done that day. She kept telling herself she was doing the right thing, but drowning her sorrows, Elizabeth wasn’t so sure she even knew what that was anymore. What was the right thing when it came to them anymore? Elizabeth was starting to think that didn’t exist and that no matter what she did that she would never be happy again. That day, Elizabeth had returned to her lawyer, and after explaining that Teddy wouldn’t sign the papers, she had started proceedings for a forced divorce. Teddy wouldn’t have to sign the papers, there would simply be a hearing, and there she could explain why she wanted a divorce.  
Her lawyer had assured her, she had more then enough grounds for a divorce. Theodore Bagwell was a well-known criminal apparently. He had been on America’s Most Wanted and now, he was serving two life sentences in prison someplace he would never get out, and according to her lawyer that alone gave her grounds for a divorce. Especially when it was added in that he had left her, effectively abandoned her only four months after they were married; Elizabeth had no doubt that she would be divorced very soon, but she didn’t know if that was really what she wanted. At this moment in her life, she didn’t know what she wanted. Her heart told her she still wanted that man locked away behind bars and her head told her she wanted to be as far from him as she possibly could. Sometimes, she didn’t even know why she still wanted him, why her love hadn’t died. Teddy had made it clear that he didn’t want to be her husband anymore, so why she asked herself did she still want to be his wife? Elizabeth had no answers for that question just as she had no answers for any of the questions he had left behind. But the knowledge of what she was doing didn’t take him out of her head. Elizabeth couldn’t help wondering if what she was doing was right.   
Yes, he had left her, but what if the words in his letter were true. What if he still loved her? She felt torn, unsure because she didn’t know what was true. Sometimes, she didn’t even know what she felt.   
“I still love him,” the thought, the reality of that was what kept him in her head, she just didn’t know it; she didn’t realize that you couldn’t forget someone you loved as much as she loved him. And yet sometimes love was the last thing she felt for him. Elizabeth often had moments when she hated him, hated him for leaving. When thinking of him, all Elizabeth could think about were the many questions that ran through her mind every second of every day. That hate would leave as quickly as it came, but it always left her confused, unsure just like everything else. Sometimes, she honestly didn’t know what she felt anymore. Most of the time, Elizabeth found herself somewhere in between; she was in a love, hate relationship with him.   
That was why she kept refilling her glass. It wasn’t just the pain she was in every day, it was that unsure feeling that she wanted to go away just as much as the pain. Because after all this time, after everything between them, Elizabeth didn’t know what she wanted, and that’s why actually getting a divorce was painful. Because it wasn’t what she thought it’d be. It wasn’t relieving her pain, but only causing her more. The divorce was supposed to stop the pain. It was supposed to put him out of her head and give her a new beginning. But it wasn’t doing that. It had only built a new pain inside her that she was beginning to hate as much as the one before it. The divorce was supposed to turn back time. It was supposed to take her back to a time when she hadn’t known Theodore Bagwell existed. To make her the woman she was before she met Teddy. None of that had happened though, instead, Elizabeth had days she wasn’t even sure who she was anymore. It hadn’t taken her back to that time at all. Elizabeth couldn’t say that she was happy then, she couldn’t say she was unhappy though; she had been somewhere in between. It was different then because she had felt neutral; it wasn’t like now where it was so very different because of the continuous pain he left behind.   
Teddy was feeling that pain now as he lay in his bunk.   
“Are you crying now, darling?” Teddy questioned himself his tears just beginning to dry on his own face his eyes starting to hurt with the force of them his mind conjuring pictures of her that he hadn’t been there to witness. Each image was of her. But they weren’t happy. In all of them, she was crying, crying heaping sobs that he couldn’t stop. In all of them, she was not the way he had left her; in each she was broken. He had broken her.   
“Did you cry the morning that I left?” Teddy whispered the question creating an image in his mind that stuck there more then any other. Teddy often remembered that morning when he left her, how he kissed her goodbye, how before that he sat there staring at her not wanting to walk out that door, and each time he thought of it he wished he had stayed in bed with her. He often thought about that moment when she must have woken up to find him gone. He wondered if she’d looked for him, searched for him, and then he always pictured her breaking down when she realized that he was gone. That image always pained him more then anything else.   
He had always hated when she cried because though she didn’t do it very often, when she did, Lizzy cried until she didn’t have the strength to anymore. It always took so much out of her. Once, he had seen her brother make her cry so bad that she got sick; it had taken her holding him back to keep him from killing the guy. In that moment, as he pictured that scene, he could see her crying like that, crying until her body gave out, and she was puking on the floor. All with that Teddy Bear necklace around her neck, the pendant in her hand, and thinking of it then he took that same pendant in his hand. Because that necklace wasn’t around her neck anymore, she had given it back to him; she had sent him a sign that she was no longer his. Looking at the pendant in the darkness, Teddy traced its outline with his fingers. He could remember her smile, her kiss, her I love you that day when he surprised her with it. Never had he pictured leaving her then, but now here he was, as far from her as he could get. Teddy suddenly breathed a sigh, he loved her, he should have never doubted that, never been with Susan Hollander, and then maybe he’d still have her. Maybe. If she hadn’t already given up on him by then. He often wondered how long she would have waited, how long she did wait for him to come home to her; the question without an answer brought fresh tears to his eyes. Did she know when she found his wedding ring on the table? Or did she have faith in him for awhile there.   
“Do people still know she’s my wife or is her ring finger bare again,” Teddy wondered looking at his own ring finger remembering when a gold band had sparkled around it and when they had slipped them on each other. At first, he had been afraid the ring would be too small, but it had slid on her finger real easy.   
Teddy remembered pride filling his entire body that day. How he had ran his finger over that ring waiting to kiss her. How he had admired the way it looked on her liking that from now on everyone would know she was off limits. That she was his; he had liked that. That ring meant that no man could ever touch her again. No man could flirt with her and get away with it. It meant that every time she looked at her finger and every time he looked at his, she would know she was his, and he would he was hers. Those rings had been signs of their love. He regretted the day he took it off and wondered almost daily if she had done the same. It said that she was his, body and soul, that they were in love; if she had taken that off maybe he thought, it didn’t mean that anymore.   
“I ruined it, I ruined us, what we had…it might be over,” the thought left Teddy breathless, his heart slowing in time with his breathing as he imagined things that normally would have made him angry, but now just made him scared. He could picture it. Her on another man’s arm. Her being touched by someone who wasn’t him, but worst of all. Her, with another man, some man that didn’t deserve her. Teddy could see her letting that man make love to her and it made his blood boil. He was the only one who should be touching her and thinking of it, he closed his eyes feeling sick inside at the thought of someone else with his sweet, sweet Lizzy. He wished he could go to her now to beg for forgiveness.   
He wished he could get on his knees like he’d done before.   
“Someday, I will make it up to you, darling, I promise. I will prove to you just how much I love you,” Teddy promised not just her, but himself wanting more then ever to get as far from Fox River as he could and be back with her. But he couldn’t yet. He had to bide his time and someday, Teddy only hoped he would see her again, hoped he could prove to her that he did love her, and then the only thing he wanted was her by his side for the rest of their lives. Until then he would wait, keep writing to her every day, and wait. Hoping along the way that he would see his Lizzy again though laying in his cell his faith in that was dwindling. He was alone, he was doing life, and sometimes it was hard to have faith knowing that.  
“I shouldn’t have left you, Lizzy…I’m so sorry,” the words echoed in Teddy’s mind as he pictured himself years from now, he would be just like Wesmoreland, except he had no picture of her to gaze at every night. That was too dangerous. But he could see himself doing life in prison a place where he would never set eyes on her again. As that thought left his mind for sleep, Heather found her best friend asleep on the bar. Elizabeth woke up when she touched her shoulder and instantly she hugged her friend. Beginning to cry, Heather knew why.   
“What’d the lawyer say?” Heather whispered though she already knew.   
“I have to go to Illinois for a hearing. A divorce hearing…the lawyer says I’ll win, but…I’ll have to see him there,” exclaimed Elizabeth breaking down in her friend’s arms.


	10. The Second of Many Thoughts

Teddy listened to the rain as it pounded against the windows of the bus in that moment wanting to be anywhere, but there.   
“For once I’d rather be in Fox River” the thought surprised Teddy even as it crossed his mind his eyes scanning the view that passed outside the window as Chicago became more than a distant speck his heart throbbing at the thought of the events about to take place there.   
“She’s actually doing it—divorcing me” Teddy laid his head back against the seat his hands cuffed as he felt the bus teeter on the road getting short as Chicago came closer along with the hearing that he didn’t want to go to. As the bus moved, Teddy’s mind wasn’t in it, his heart wasn’t either as he pictured what was about to happen.   
“My Lizzy will be there—just out of reach” Teddy saw her in the back of his mind and part of him wondered how she would react to seeing him again and as much as he did want to see her, today Teddy also did not because this hearing would make it so that she was no longer his wife. And there was nothing he could do about it.   
Teddy sat in his seat his mind racing with thoughts he couldn’t control as events that he also had no control over took place around him. He thought of her, of the words in every letter he had ever written her, and as much as he hoped they would prevent this day they hadn’t. Lizzy seemed determined not to believe them and as their past, both the good and bad, went through his mind like a reel, Teddy found he couldn’t blame her. Instead, he blamed himself, for it had been him that led them here; he was the one that left her that morning. Her face glued itself into his brain and it smiled, but Teddy found he couldn’t smile back. He would be seeing that face very soon and, in that moment, he wondered about the changes he would see in it. Would he see how he had broken her? Would he see how he had hurt her beyond repair? As those questions ran through his mind, Teddy found himself almost reluctant to see her.   
“I have to face what I’ve done” thought Teddy the words slipping like poison through his mind making her image fade as he thought of how that woman had changed because of him his heart deeply reluctant to face her after everything that had passed and was about to pass between them. The truth was Teddy didn’t want to see the damage he had done. He wanted to see her again and have her be the strong woman he had married. He didn’t want to see how he had hurt and broken her heart. Teddy wanted to remember her as he had left her, but even as he thought that he knew he was preventing the inevitable. Eventually, he would have to face the consequences of what he had done by leaving her that day, and those consequences were happening today. It all served to remind him of the woman he’d left behind and of everything she had been before he did so.   
To Teddy, his Lizzy had been the jewel in a crown he didn’t deserve, and yet she had been his all the same. She had been so beautiful, no real jewel compared to her, and when she had been in his arms he had tried with all his heart to treat her like the diamond that she was. When they were together, Teddy remembered how she would smile at him, how she always seemed to be doing that, and how she would look at him with a glint in her eyes that looking back he couldn’t see when she looked at anyone else. She had cherished him as he had cherished her and loved him devotedly until he had betrayed her in the worst way. His Lizzy had been his equal, she didn’t really need him, he knew that from the moment he met her, but she wanted him. She was strong, fierce, she didn’t need him to take care of her because she had proven within days of them meeting that she could take care of herself. In a way, she had taken care of him too, and let her guard down so he could attempt to do the same where she allowed him to. She had trusted him in every way, in ways she didn’t trust others, and he had proven her trust faulty in every way in the end. Thinking of the moment to come in that moment, Teddy thought of the woman he had fallen in love with and he knew that that was not the woman he would see today. He knew she would try to look strong as always, but he knew her too well. She wouldn’t be able to hide the damage he had done from his all-knowing gaze. Teddy was reminded of what a fool he had been then his eyes scanning the rain as it lay silently trickling down the window pane. They reminded him of tears, of the tears he knew she had cried for him that he hadn’t been there to see or prevent. They made him sad as he looked at them tracing them with his eyes. He should have been. If he had he knew they would not be here now. Teddy felt his heart given an aching throb as the thought passed his body seeming to slump against the seat as they rolled on toward Chicago. Memories of her were stabbing into his brain reminding him of what he had done as the drive went on and on. Part of Teddy wanted it to go on and on for so many reasons that he knew to be completely selfish. If he never got there, to Chicago, she would always be his wife, and if he never got there, he would never go back to Fox River. Teddy wanted both those things as they drove on knowing deep down the whole way that both those things were hopeless dreams. Lizzy filled his mind the rest of the drive. Teddy remembered her as she had been, savoring it, before that image would be shattered by what he had done. He remembered his Lizzy, the way she would wrap her arms around him from behind. He never heard her coming, but he had liked that.   
Teddy had missed that the most, the way she could sneak up on him in a way no one else could.   
“It took so long after she knew the truth to get her to do that again” Teddy remembered those months after that how timid she became around him. It was like he had to redeem himself in her eyes, make her trust him again; sitting there Teddy realized he would have to do that all over again. Part of Teddy was afraid he couldn’t do it again. It had taken him months last time, and this was a lot worse.   
“She has every right to want a divorce…to never want me near her again” thought Teddy part of him wondering if Jimmy hadn’t been right that maybe he should leave her be even as his heart screamed for him not to give up. His eyes kept being drawn back to the window as thoughts went through his mind. Teddy didn’t want to think of his future without a chance at a future with her. He didn’t want to think of what her future without him would look like. A future where some other man who didn’t deserve her as much as him was by her side every day kissing and squeezing and touching her in ways only he had done once. Teddy didn’t want to think of it, but the thought didn’t go away. He wanted to have her in his arms again. He wanted to stay married to her, to dance with her again, to kiss her. As those thoughts went through his mind, Teddy wondered what she was doing in that moment or if maybe she was having any second thoughts about this.   
Although he knew once again that it made him selfish, Teddy hoped that she was. That this hearing would be all for nothing or that she would call it all off at the last minute. He didn’t see it happening, but it was yet another hope he let bloom in his heart as the bus drove on through the pouring rain.   
“I’m here and I’m doing this” in that same moment that was the thought that entered Elizabeth’s mind as Teddy was in a bus moving towards Chicago her nerves icy as if freezing her in place. The truth was Elizabeth had been having second thoughts since arriving in Chicago the day before. They wouldn’t seem to leave her along with his memory as she sat in a hotel room having no interest in seeing the city. She just wanted to get this hearing over with, so she could go home or at least that was what she told herself. She had come alone despite Bobby then Heather’s offers to go with her. But Bobby was the last person she wanted with her today and Heather, well, Elizabeth had insisted on doing this herself though sometimes she regretted that as she sat in her hotel room alone. Elizabeth had to face Teddy at that hearing on her own. She had to look at him and show him what he had done to her while somehow looking strong at the same time. That’s what she wanted, but as the time for the hearing approached, Elizabeth wasn’t confident she could. Her doubts weren’t leaving her even as her lawyer went over everything with her, again, and divorcing him seemed to be changing nothing.   
This was not the new beginning Elizabeth had desperately hoped for when she sighed those papers that day. She was severing their connection as man and wife even as his memory haunted her, clung to her like the skin around her bones. The love that beat in her heart for him wasn’t dissolving or disappearing the way she had hoped it would. Sometimes, to Elizabeth, it felt like it was getting stronger though for the life of her she had no idea how. Teddy just wouldn’t leave her be. He was everywhere, but especially in her dreams. Every night, Elizabeth closed her eyes only to find him there leaning against her very thoughts the way he had always done and smiling that grin that melted her as always. His memory played like an old movie in her mind reminding her why she had loved him, fallen so deeply in love with him in fact, and yet also reminding her of what he had done to get them to where they were now. It made Elizabeth think that maybe she was just kidding herself. That getting over him was impossible and she would always be his wife even after the courts said she wasn’t. There seemed to be no getting over him. This hearing to her seemed to be turning into a sham, a formality that would mean nothing to them in the end. And yet she was still doing it because she wanted to be free. To stop the pain the beat around in her heart like glass stabbing her until she was bleeding to death. She wanted there to be a chance that someday she could be okay again even as she doubted it would ever happen every single day. The day of the hearing, Elizabeth was reminded of that when his memory awoke her from her dream state. His name left her lips so easily then just as it had done when he made love to her those many times and blinking away tears that came anyway, Elizabeth sat in the bed of her hotel room her breath heaving as it left her lungs. The dream of their past flooded her mind again in flashes that made her heart pound. Elizabeth couldn’t make them stop as she closed her eyes desperately willing them to. After a moment that lasted too long, Elizabeth opened her eyes as those memories became a dull ache, and as the tears leaked like rain to cover her cheeks, she placed her hand over her heart feeling the shattered glass of their love still stabbing inside her.   
“I just want this to end” the words left her lips on a breath that sounded too much like a sob her doubts growing as the words faded into the air.   
“Soon, he’ll be right there, and I don’t want him to see what he’s done to me—I don’t want him to have something to laugh at when he sees me. I want him to feel ashamed, to regret leaving me…he can’t see this” thought Elizabeth real sobs erupting from her chest as she held in the urge to scream his face entering her mind. She wasn’t sure how to feel about that as she lay back down still remembering the dream. It hadn’t really been a dream at all, more of a memory replaying in her head.   
“Of all the things to think of now” thought Elizabeth even as she remembered it still the irony of what she was thinking of not lost on her. Elizabeth found herself thinking of their wedding night on the very day when their marriage was ending.   
That memory was a throbbing pain within her as she let the images of it flit inside her head. She remembered everything. From his kisses to his touch to every word he spoke, and each thought brought her pain because it wasn’t the happy memory it once more. It was now yet another reminder of the sham their love had been. Thinking back on that time, Elizabeth couldn’t remember not being happy or not smiling. She had always been smiling before he left. She had always had this glint that she had thought was true happiness back then and as she remembered that glint, Elizabeth suddenly missed that feeling. That feeling that represent a type of assurance that everything was going to be alright. It was a feeling she wanted back as she lay in that bed utterly sure that nothing would ever be alright again. He had made her happy and looking back on it, Elizabeth realized that she wanted to go back to that. Even if everything they had was a lie, she wanted to return to a time when she had been completely and utterly happy. When Teddy had been there telling her, he loved her and making her that way. Elizabeth wanted to feel like the future had meaning again and laying there she knew, for her, it hadn’t had a shred of meaning since she woke up that day to find him gone. She had been stumbling alone ever since. That had brought her to her greatest fear. That she would never feel that way again. That she wasn’t meant for happiness anymore but destined to live her life as she had been since his departure until death happened upon her. Elizabeth thought that also meant that she would never get over Teddy or ever forget him. She thought her happiness was depended on forgetting he ever existed in her world and that thought alone is what kept him so alive in her memory even as she wished every day to forget the man she had loved with every bit of love she possessed.   
That Theodore Bagwell would always be there to haunt the halls of her heart. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. To Elizabeth, that moment had been wonderful. After they were officially man and wife, they had returned to the bar.   
“Ladies and Gentlemen, I present Mr. and Mrs. Theodore Bagwell” Teddy had announced as he carried her inside his lips seeking hers soon after not parting until he had set her feet back on the ground.   
“Can’t get rid of me now” Teddy had whispered under his breath his hands pulling her closer to cradle her in his arms.   
“That was the plan” Elizabeth remembered a laugh bursting from her lips as she leaned in close to him her arms draping over his neck as she moved to kiss him again. Their kisses became more fervent as they went until suddenly Elizabeth found herself pulled away from him to tend bar. Before leaving him, she remembered smiling still thinking that she would never be happier then she was right then. To her, this was her fairy tale ending, the one she had wanted, but never dared hope for. Everything with him felt right even as she walked away from him to stand behind the bar. That night had felt like a new beginning too. Elizabeth couldn’t stop smiling and she knew it was because of him, because of the feel of his eyes on her never leaving her as she worked, and she liked that, loved it really. It was part of their future, him there always with her, watching her, and that was the way she had wanted to be. She had always enjoyed the feel of his eyes on her and that night was no exception even when he was suddenly pulling her into his arms. His lips pressed into hers and Elizabeth didn’t care if she had other things to do, he was all she knew.   
“Lizzy—would you allow me to steal you away for a little while” Teddy had breathed the words against her lips giving her chills even as he was guiding her away. Walking backwards with her in his arms, Teddy continued to kiss her his lips moving of their own accord until finding her neck he buried his face there. Elizabeth felt as he tugged her close her arms around him her hands guiding him as he covered her skin with kisses and licks that made her want to push him to the floor and rip all his clothes off. Restraining herself, Elizabeth remembered just pulling his lips back to hers.   
“Yes, you can do whatever you want—I am your wife now” Elizabeth had enjoyed saying it and when he looked at her, Teddy seemed to enjoy hearing it. He kissed her in that moment deeply, passionately and it was as he was kissing her that she heard Patsy Cline’s voice fill the bar. It made her pull away a smile one her lips as their eyes met.   
“What’s up your sleeve, Teddy?” said Elizabeth letting him take her hand.   
“Nothing, just hoping to get a dance with my wife—from what I hear it’s all part of this marrying thing” whispered Teddy their foreheads touching as he brought her away from the bar.   
He brought her to the center of the room holding her close to his body as he drew her into a lingering kiss.   
“I love you” Elizabeth remembered breathing in between kisses.  
“Thank god, I married you” Teddy had said it his lips capturing hers so desperately afterwards that it took her breath away. Looking back, Elizabeth didn’t know why he’d said that. It didn’t feel like it was part of his act.   
When he said it, Teddy had looked genuine, acted genuine; everything had felt genuine. As much as Elizabeth tried to understand those words out of his mouth, she just never could. She chose to focus on other things about that memory, like that kiss or the way he held her against his chest after closing distracting her in a way that he had been doing since they met.   
“May I take my bride upstairs or are ya gonna leave me waiting?” Teddy had whispered the words into the skin of her shoulders as his lips kissed them almost on a breath. Her hands had braced against the door then her body almost falling back into his arms.   
“I have to clean the bar up” Elizabeth had said the words so low, Teddy had known she didn’t want to say them. That was why Teddy spun her around his eyes gazing upon her as he leaned her up against the door and capturing her lips he lifted her into his arms. Elizabeth immediately wrapped her arms and legs around him kissing him right back as she did so.   
“Come on, darling, you can do it in the morning” said Teddy his words a growl against her lips. Elizabeth remembered wanting to say yes immediately, to stop being held down by her obligations, and throw caution to the wind.   
Teddy was the one that taught her to do that, both that night, and everyone that followed.   
“Lead the way” Elizabeth had barely said the words before she was kissing him again. Teddy would always remember that night, the way he had pulled her almost harshly away from the wall, across the bar, and then up the stairs. They had stayed that way all the way up to the apartment. It wasn’t until they reached the bedroom and Teddy was moving steadily towards the bed that she broke away.   
“Put me down” the words came in one long gasp of a breath that at first, he didn’t listen to. It wasn’t until she said it again that Teddy had stopped.   
“What’s wrong?” Teddy had said it without putting her down still.   
“Nothing—I just wanted to change” said Elizabeth hearing him chuckle as he began to mark her neck.  
“Honey, you already look amazing” Teddy had said it with a growl in his voice feeling her fingers in his hair as he left his mark where he wanted it.   
“Teddy—please, this is my wedding dress—I want to put it away, save it rather then have you rip it off” gasped Elizabeth her voice barely there as she tried to keep from becoming incoherent. Teddy still didn’t stop until returning his lips to hers, he felt Elizabeth take his face in her hands, and drawing away she looked at him.   
“Teddy Bear—I promise I’ll be right back…and I’ll be wearing something even better then what I’m wearing right now” said Elizabeth her voice low waiting only a moment before slowly he set her back on her feet. Elizabeth had kissed him then her lips slow as they moved over his.  
“You won’t be disappointed” Elizabeth had breathed smiling as she slipped away from him.   
Teddy remembered that smile, it tugged at his heart every time it crossed his mind. He remembered that night too. He remembered it, dreamed about it, and he especially remembered the short yet long wait for her. Stripping down to his boxers, Teddy remembered staring at the bathroom door, and when it opened, a groan quickly left him. His Lizzy had appeared in a black slip made completely of lace.   
She had approached him slowly, too slow for his liking, and gripping her waist, Teddy soon had her straddling him.   
“Disappointed?” her voice had been almost playful before he silenced her with his lips. “Haven’t had a disappointing moment since I met you” Teddy had growled the words as he let his lips descend down her neck. A moan left her lips as he did and holding him close, Teddy would always remember the way her skin felt then. It was so warm, almost electric, and pulling her hips down to meet his, Teddy had savored having her close.   
It was that closeness he missed and now, he wondered if things would ever be that way again after all he had done. They had been in bliss then in every way especially that night. They both knew that every time they thought of it even Elizabeth as she lay in bed that morning remembering how it was to be in his arms. How when their hips met it had felt perfect, like they were made to fit together this way, and how when he looked at her it had felt the same. How when he kissed her again, she had thought she could feel his love in each movement of his lips. How she had reveled in it until he laid her on the bed with one movement his lips still covering her body.   
Teddy remembered how she arched under his every touch. How she sought his kisses with her every movement until it became too much. Elizabeth had pulled him back to her clinging to him as she sought his kiss. As his lips returned to hers, Teddy had slid his hands over the long expanse of her legs until getting underneath her gown, he found her bare to him. It made him break away to look down at her his eyes black as they peered down into hers.   
His hands began to slide the black lace higher up on her body until spreading her legs, Teddy nestled himself between them his fingers still lifting the lace higher.   
“You never disappoint, darling…you look stunning, but—I’d really like to take this off now if you don’t mind…I won’t rip it” whispered Teddy his eyes never leaving hers.   
“Take it off—I don’t care if you rip it” her words came out quickly as she felt his hand already between her legs. Gently, he stroked over her folds before swiftly getting rid of the black lace slip his eyes traveling over her. Suddenly, his hands were on her thighs spreading her wider as his lips nipped at her neck again.   
Elizabeth’s eyes closed her hands guiding him as he moved over her. Teddy seemed to kiss every inch of skin he could find quickly descending lower until he was between her legs. No one had ever touched her the way he did, Elizabeth knew that both then, and now. Teddy had touched her, his touch light yet not gentle as he lapped at her trying to get her there, yet not at the same time. When he came to kiss her, they both thought she would start sobbing.   
“I love you” Teddy had sounded so sincere both then and every time he said it, until he left she’d never had a reason to doubt him.   
“I love you” Elizabeth breathed it right back into his kisses feeling as they became more fervent, desperate as he pressed himself between her legs. After he did that, Teddy had unexpectedly pulled away his eyes shining as they stared down at her.   
“You’re my wife now” he had said it with emotion in his voice his hands coming to cradle her face.  
“Yes, I am, and you’re my husband” Elizabeth remembered smiling as she said that for the first time that night.   
Now, when she remembered those words, she didn’t smile anymore. That smile remained on her lips as he kissed her, as her hands ran down his back even as she removed the last of his clothes. It didn’t leave her until he was finally inside her the smile fading to be replaced with a look of pleasure, and the words oh god. For a moment, Teddy didn’t move as he stared down at her memorizing her the way she looked when she was this way. She was his angel, his wife now, and the most beautiful woman, the most desirable woman in the world; she was more then he deserved.   
Now, Teddy wished he’d told her that, but he hadn’t. Instead, he had kissed her feeling the way she trembled at his touch as his hands hoisted her legs higher around his waist as he started to make love to her for the first time as his wife. Elizabeth remembered that night, the way he had touched her in two different ways; one, with blinders, and the other with a magnifying glass always looking for his lies. She remembered the feel of him, how he sent sparks across her very spine. In that moment, he felt like fireworks, Elizabeth could swear they were filling her lungs as he made love to her.   
She felt those fireworks until they exploded inside her brain his lips falling onto hers as he followed her. In that moment, they were together in a coil of fiery emotion and passion that she swore she’d never feel with anyone else. As Elizabeth lay in bed that morning that memory still lingering in the back of her mind, she still thought that, and would think it for the rest of her life. No one would ever make her feel the way he did. He had made her feel like she wasn’t just another woman, like she was unique, special.   
He had made her love and be loved in a way no one had ever dared. He had made her feel things, love, hope, devotion to another human being, passion, but especially happiness. And then he had shattered it all, ruined everything when he decided she wasn’t worth sticking around for anymore. That thought is what made her get out of bed that day and what made her shower and dress and walk out the door of her hotel room. Theodore Bagwell had made her think, feel, experience things no one had, and then he just walked away.   
He thought she was the same naïve girl that he left, but she wasn’t. Elizabeth remembered his letter, his heartfelt declarations of love, and she knew that girl would have believed him. But she couldn’t because that girl was dead. She had died when he left, when he betrayed her with Susan Hollander, and when he went to prison. He had broken that girl and that was why more then anything, Elizabeth knew she would never feel that way again.   
Elizabeth simply walked out the door that day her head held high. She would do what he had done, she thought, and walk away from something she no longer needed. Teddy could stay with her, a memory to crush her, but the real man wouldn’t be allowed to do that anymore. In that moment, Elizabeth made up her mind, she was divorcing him, starting again, somehow, and more then anything she was going to try not to look back. Her lawyer was waiting in the lobby of her hotel and walking towards him she tried to radiate strength, but she couldn’t even fool herself.  
They shook hands both wearing somber smiles and walking to a car, suddenly, all too suddenly, Elizabeth found herself standing with him in front of the courthouse.   
“Ms. Parker…are you sure you’re ready for this?” the lawyer said it, but the words didn’t register for a moment. Elizabeth was staring at the building feeling suddenly lost as she tried to keep her composure while trying to remember to breath all at the same time.   
“I’m ready” said Elizabeth before it was even true.


End file.
